Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, January, February, March, April, May, June, July…. The days and months go on…
Disclaimer: All characters in the story are works of fiction, and are in no relation to real life characters or events.
Chapter I
I sat down by my desktop, listening to the song Goodbye’s (The Saddest Word) on my Winamp ® player. It brought back many memories from the beginning of my love life till the end. The numerous turbulences that rocked my entire journey in search of my Mr. Right.
Yet, at the end of the tunnel of this 1year of relationship, what I got was not his love nor his soul. But, a valuable lesson learnt from this turbulent relationship where I grew to be stronger in my belief and stronger in my will to love and be loved. To spend more time with him as well as to gain his trust and use it as the foundation to my ever growing intelligence in building a stronger relationship.
Life on its own is really a miracle, from the day we were born to this earth, we are fated to die off years later. And through the journey in life, I always kept this goal of bringing about joy and happiness to people around me. And not asking for anything in return as a favor. I feel, life is about helping others and touching their lives.
I feel, no matter what job we choose to work in, we are already giving back what we have gotten from the society. Even as a homosexual, we are also giving back what we took from society from the point of working in the society, contributing to the society as a whole in the forms of the economics. Even though, we maybe unable to produce children, but, we are paying taxes as well to support the society structure as a whole.
Being fascinated with life, as I listen to the near ending of the song… “Goodbye’s the last time I will hold you near… Someday you say that word and I will cry… It’ll break my heart to hear you say goodbye”… tears began streaming down my eyeballs…. Pure crystal tears which I can’t imagine… it saddens me every time a relationship comes to an end… the reason being, it could mean… I will no longer be in contact with them or… the person is leaving for another country… or when the person is deceased… these are the numerous episodes in life where we see tears streaming down people’s eyes…
Chapter II
As my thoughts went deeper into my heart… I began to think back in time… just like watching a movie film strip, showing the past life…
I got to know Keith back in August 1year 5months back from a dating website. Things were well in the beginning. We started off as friends on the net. Chatted for a few weeks before we finally met up on a Saturday evening in Orchard road.
We went for dinner at Swensens Crown Prince hotel, then proceeded with a stroll down Orchard Road towards Plaza Singapura to catch a movie. There after, we took a cab home, he send me to my place before heading back.
As the days went by, we got to know each other better and things started to get more intimate. It was then… one night, when I went over to his apartment that we confessed our love for one another.
That night we had a candle light dinner served with home cooked pasta of spaghetti and pizza. He did the cooking and washing up, and the food was delicious. Or maybe, because we were very hungry for food.
After the washing up of the dishes, we sat by the living room, staring out towards the balcony facing the open sea. We began to hold hands and before long, started kissing. It was the first time I kissed and the first time I had sex with anyone.
He was my first love. I was his tenth lover. What a vast difference, he’s 27 while I was 22. I only began work in society as a freelance journalist and a part time relief teacher. I enjoyed the likes of both worlds. Writing and sharing my knowledge with everyone who I meet.
As the night proceeded, darker and darker in the dimly lit living room, we started to unzip and undress till we were only left with g-strings. We happen to wear g-strings that day. Not because of any fetish, but was because we did it for fun and was coincidental that we both wore the same thing inside us. By the time we were both nude, we were already crawling into the bedroom.
Intense kissing continued with hugging and foreplay. Through the night sex took place till the wee hours before we both got tired and jerked off before taking a shower and going to sleep.
The next day, morning, the fun continued as it was a weekend. We went for a short cycling expedition and some tanning at East Coast Park before heading for lunch at Kenny Rogers®. We continued to bask in the sun till the evening before having dinner over at his place. Stayed there till eight at night before he send me back home.
Every weekend was spend in almost the same fashion, except that we did different things every weekend. We also went on 2 short trips – one to Perth, Australia and the other to Taiwan.
However, this relationship did not last… after 12months together, I got tired of everything. As for him, he started to go for one night stands, bringing guys back to his apartment for sex every weekday where he feels like mating. I got very pissed at the sight of it when I found out one day when I did my surprise visit to his apartment.
The sight of him mating with some other guy shattered my image of him. I got very angry and gave him a punch on the abs before heading out of his apartment and throwing his apartment keys back to him.
I felt cheated of my entire relationship, my 1 year spend with him has gone to waste. For someone whom I had loved deeply has betrayed me. Not because I refused to have sex with him, it was because his desire for sex was far beyond what I could give him. All because, I had to rush work all the way till wee hours at night to rush out the news for the next day.
Ever since that night, we were no longer in contact. I ignored his explanations and e-mails which he sent me. I felt that there was no reason I should ever contact him for he has cheated me of my feelings and I felt so cheap to have been toyed with.
Months later, I decided to leave Singapore and went on a month holiday trip to Australia. I took the opportunity to gain exposure to learn more of the Australian culture as well as to compose my first novel. Within a month, I completed writing my novel and returned to Singapore with a fresh beginning, and has forgiven him after much thought. However, I will no longer love him, if I were to meet him on the streets, I will only acknowledge him as a friend.
Chapter III
Life got back to normal – just like before I began my love life. I returned to my teaching as well as my journalist job. I submitted my works of various big and small publishers for review. I received many replied but only one publisher was keen to get my novel published.
After months of discussion and editing of the story, the novel was ready to be published. The initial print was ten thousand copies, and I decided to pledge part of my royalties to charity. Even though I know that the book will not be a great hit.
It was a story a child’s journey in search of his true identity. And about the numerous obstacles he has go through before he could finally realize what he wanted in life and who he truly is.
To my surprise, months after the book hits the shelves, there was a request of a reprint. I was taken by surprise and my publisher actually organized a book signing session for me to share my writing experience with the many readers who purchased the book.
It was during that book signing session that I met him again. I could sense the old atmosphere just like the day we first met on Orchard Road. However, the feeling of closeness wasn’t there anymore. We went for coffee after the book singing session and had a long chat.
We updated one another on our happenings, only after much prompting from him did I reveal how I was living my life. And I told him I had forgiven him for what he had done. However, I told him that I wish him luck in whatever he wants to do in life. As I no longer feel for him. Before we departed, we embraced one another for the last time and we walked off in opposite directions. We never turned back, there was no turning back, both of us were not attached, he no longer went for one night stands and life got better for both of us.
I focused on writing full time while he did his advertising.
As I recovered from my thoughts… the player was still playing the same song over and over again… even though goodbye’s maybe the saddest thing, I feel… a goodbye can be a temporary exit as well as a permanent exit. For me, I feel he is just a phase in my life. He entered and exit, as he had wished. I had no regrets of know him and having him as part of my life. However, I do not wish to hate him either, as I feel forgive and forget still suits me best.
Afterword
Write this story out of boredom. The inspiration came from Celine Dion’s song – Goodbyes (the Saddest Word). Hope you have enjoyed the story.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Forbidden Love :: June 12, 2005
Faithful + un-Faithful = Scandals?? Does this equation always exist?
Disclaimer: The characters in this story dead or alive have no relation to real life beings.
Chapter 1
Sometimes I ask myself? Have I been faithful to my boyfriend? In terms of the undivided love for him. And most of the time, I could not exactly come to a concluding statement on this topic. Why? Why has that to be? Am I really that heartless? Again, another big question mark comes stomping into my face.
As my thoughts carried me further away from reality, I began to think back into the past. Of the various unfaithful events that preceded during my 2 years of companionship with Jonathan – my ex boyfriend.
It seems like watching a 2hour movie, everything was in a flash, from the time we met, got together, have sex till the day we parted our ways to go our separate ways. Every moment was being captured, even the unsightly moments where I had flings with other guys, as well as the guy who has tried to snatch me away from Jonathan, but without success of course.
As I think back all these, tears began to roll down from my eyeballs. The crystal clear tears were flowing profusely as if I am bleeding to death. I feel sorrow deep inside me, and a sense of guilt of what I had done to him. Most of the flings I had were injustice on my part, for being coaxed into a very high feeling. For being immature on my part, not being able to make sound judgment of what is right and wrong.
All in all, a world of sadness now overshadows me. For being slut, and being unfaithful. For being all the nasty decretory words you can think of.
From my point of view, I led a very messy life. With clubbing on weekends to bitching in class about how short the girls are wearing their slut skirts to my lecturers about how bimbotic and old fashioned some of them are. It’s a very sadistic world that I belong to.
Even when I am on my clinical postings, the sight of the way some of the student nurse behave also make me want to bitch at them about how unprofessional they can be. It just saddens be about the way we lead life. Be it in a homosexual, straight or bi-sexual lifestyle. All lifestyle are as complicated as ever. No one’s safe from anything like AIDS, TB, HIV, Hepatitis B, SARS and the list just flows on.
Chapter 2
I got to know Jonathan through the IRC channel on a Monday afternoon. It was a shiny day, yet, my friends were all in school as school has begun for them. As for me, I’m on vacation, with no one to talk to, the IRC channel was the only place I could turn to for people to chat with.
[tamp] Hi! Care to intro?
[sleepyBoi] 19m 167 57
[sleepyBoi] how about u?
[tamp] 24m 174 65
[tamp] seek?
[sleepyBoi] friends and people to chat with… how about u?
[tamp] sex and friends…
[tamp] I don’t think I am what u are looking for… haha
[sleepBoi] well, we can still chat, can’t we?
[tamp] of course we can :P
----------------
As the chat goes on, they chatted about quite a bit of things on lifestyle… then on to the topic about sex…
After a while, they decided to meet up at a nearby park to continue their chatting session.
Peter got ready to set off to Tampines to meet up with his new friend Jonathan.
----------------
Peter: Hi Jonathan, nice to meet you…
Jonathan: Yea, Hi there.
After they exchanged salutations, they began to take a stroll while chatting as they move along to a quiet spot in the part to continue with their chat.
As they continued chatting, things got a bit steamy in their conversations. Before long, they were kissing in broad day light. And their hands were all over the place. Moments later, they were behind the bushes.
-------------------
After the steamy session, they stroll out of the park, bid goodbye and decided to keep in contact. It was the first time Jonathan did that in broad day light and the first time he felt very happy about knowing someone who he feels could be his Mr. Right.
As for Peter, he felt happy to know Jonathan, and felt the same for him. However, his feeling for Jonathan is only superficial. That night, they chatted till very late on MSN messenger while listening to Amber soundtrack. A Singapore Arts Festival play by National theatre of China.
During the long chat that night, Peter could sense a love atmosphere in the works. Moreover, he is taking his time to understand more about Jonathan. After being in the gay circle for 2years, he is still a greenhorn as compared to other veterans in the circle. Even though, he might not be as green as those much younger than him.
As time passed by, slowly, after a few nights of chatting on MSN and numerous exchange of text messages, he decided that it was time to meet up with his prince charming again.
They met on the second day of his birthday. Even though it was a very brief meeting, he felt very happy about the special arrangement that Jonathan has installed for him. As compared to the ones he celebrated over the past 18years. He recounted only 6 celebrations. 3 of them with birthday cakes, while the other 2 were with friends and former colleagues at Spotlight on different occasions. And the most recent one, on the 2nd day of his birthday with Jonathan.
It was also on that day that he asked Jonathan if he was interested in going into a companionship with him. The reason why Peter decided to ask Jonathan was because, he could sense deeply that Jonathan is very deeply in love with him. And, furthermore, Peter does have some feelings for Jonathan and feels that Jonathan might be the one he has been looking for all this while.
Everything just falls into place in a flash. Within just 4days, they were already together. They defined their love as companionship where everyone gets the chance to meet up with their own group of friends as well as devoting sometime to meet up for dinner and other activities. Everything was well planned and both won’t lose out on the chance for the so-called “private space” which they both want to have. It was the ideal love life that both wanted and it did work out in be beginning though their love was flying very quickly for the first month before it eventually toned down a little.
It was also a very good thing, to have a companionship tone down to a much slower pace to build up stronger bonds and keeping it low profile at the same time means a lot to both.
Though, some of Peter’s friends were in double shock to know that he got attached suddenly when they went out with him. Not from his mouth, but rather, from the ring he always carried with him faithfully. His friends respected him for his decision on his companionship.
The times when Peter met up with Jonathan were very irregular due to Peter’s work schedule and other factors.
Chapter 3
As time went by, Peter got to know more and more friends from the internet and met them up for coffee and outings. He did also engage in some flings behind Jonathan’s back like those of kissing and hugging. Which in the eyes of Peter were just simply for flirt. There was also a couple of times when the guys he hang out with, despite knowing he is already attached confessed that they love him. He was unmoved by most of them even though he kept in contact with them.
His reason being that, they were still people whom he feels comfortable chatting with. Not because of their advances on him. And most of the time, he will push away any act of intimacy which violates him in terms of his current companionship with Jonathan. He carries Jonathan in his heart wherever he goes even at work, with wearing a ring on his neck.
However, a few months into his strong relationship, he could not stand the temptation that was presented to him and he fell into the love trap. He started to have feelings for someone he got to know for a while now. They will meet up occasionally for coffee and end up kissing and hugging in nude.
The guy that he met up with is single, and was much older than his Jonathan. They would usually exchange text messages a few times daily and crap on MSN messenger as well. The guy is also aware that Peter is attached. He once did confess that he too liked peter, moreover, he knows that there is nothing much he could do except to treat Peter like a close friend of his. And he knows his limits in this game of love. That everything can come to a close overnight. And it could either make or break a relationship should Peter’s boyfriend find out about this scandalous act of theirs.
Peter treated this affair as a side dish, and he did not really commit himself in such a fling. He knows very well the consequences that could happen should he get too deeply involved in this extra affair. It could lead to a breakup with his boyfriend and even worse, unexpected events could follow.
The affair lasted for the remaining years of his companionship till the day Jonathan saw Peter and his friend together on the streets.
Days later, Jonathan confronted Peter about what was happening and the truth came to light… Peter was having a 1year odd affair with another guy behind his back. He felt angry and cheated and wanted to deliver a slap on peter’s face. Yet, feeling very heart broken, he broke down and started crying. Asking Peter, why did you do this to me? Don’t you know how much I love you and how much I care for you? Why are you still doing this to me? Is it because I did not spend enough time with you or what?
Peter was numb with nothing to say. And moments later, he too began to drip tears for he realized his biggest mistake is to have an affair with another guy for 1 year and being very unfaithful to his boyfriend.
He wanted to hug his boyfriend… but, everything was just too late. His boyfriend was long gone even before he realized it. Though they still kept in contact, but the deep hole in Jonathan’s heart will never be healed again. It left a very deep scar, which only time will heal. And the trust that Jonathan had on Peter was long gone with the broken heart.
Chapter 4
Slowly, I recovered from my deep thoughts into the past. With a pool of tears already gathering beneath my desk. Now, after being single for 5months now, thinking back about what a nasty person I have been to be in a companionship yet having an affair with someone else… I really hate myself to the core.
Every since the final verdict, I still kept in contact with the guy I had an affair with. But, we no longer meet up that often and no longer kissing and hugging in nude. He is now happily attached with me left feeling sour. All has come and gone too fast, I do treasure every bits of this bitter sweet love that I had. However, the rainbow that I once had is now nowhere to be seen. How sad can life really be? Sometimes I really wonder? Thinking back, I really hope that I had not had an affair and should be more faithful and cherish the love and care that I was very fortunate to have. And to be tearing leads me to understand that my love for him is not just a come and go. It’s really very deep inside me, till now I can still feel the pain and I fear loving another person. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, I just want to get a life, live life more peacefully for now till I am ready for the next train to hop on for a smoother journey and stay on it for as long as my life lasts.
I guess opportunities dun always wait on us, there will always be an expiry date attached and if we are not fast enough, we will just miss it and it will never come back to take us for a second ride. That remains very true even after the day you die. I guess in life we should treasure everything we have or possess, nothing is permanent. Everything in life form can just come and go without notice.
Even our own life has an expiry date, through the course of 2 years of love and being a student nurse, I have learnt a lot about life about how we should cherish everything we have. Nothing lasts, and everyone of us maybe alive today. What about tomorrow? We might be buried or burn into ashes. Nothing is predictable in this world, the world is fast changing and evolving, no one knows where we will be tomorrow, as in this saying “yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift”. And today is exactly a gift and we should be happy that we can still live to see the day… but well, what is death then? Well, death is a continuation of life.
Maybe I just think too much sometimes, and I really mean that I think a lot. Not for saying only, I hope I will heal my sorrow and my wound soon.
Afterword
This scandalous story is not exactly very spicy. It is very plain and simply put – on the surface of having affairs. Hope you enjoyed reading it, and rethink about life. The inspiration came from the recent scandal I overhead. And, well… nothing is based on true life. Really, everything is being faked up.
Written: 12 June 2005
Disclaimer: The characters in this story dead or alive have no relation to real life beings.
Chapter 1
Sometimes I ask myself? Have I been faithful to my boyfriend? In terms of the undivided love for him. And most of the time, I could not exactly come to a concluding statement on this topic. Why? Why has that to be? Am I really that heartless? Again, another big question mark comes stomping into my face.
As my thoughts carried me further away from reality, I began to think back into the past. Of the various unfaithful events that preceded during my 2 years of companionship with Jonathan – my ex boyfriend.
It seems like watching a 2hour movie, everything was in a flash, from the time we met, got together, have sex till the day we parted our ways to go our separate ways. Every moment was being captured, even the unsightly moments where I had flings with other guys, as well as the guy who has tried to snatch me away from Jonathan, but without success of course.
As I think back all these, tears began to roll down from my eyeballs. The crystal clear tears were flowing profusely as if I am bleeding to death. I feel sorrow deep inside me, and a sense of guilt of what I had done to him. Most of the flings I had were injustice on my part, for being coaxed into a very high feeling. For being immature on my part, not being able to make sound judgment of what is right and wrong.
All in all, a world of sadness now overshadows me. For being slut, and being unfaithful. For being all the nasty decretory words you can think of.
From my point of view, I led a very messy life. With clubbing on weekends to bitching in class about how short the girls are wearing their slut skirts to my lecturers about how bimbotic and old fashioned some of them are. It’s a very sadistic world that I belong to.
Even when I am on my clinical postings, the sight of the way some of the student nurse behave also make me want to bitch at them about how unprofessional they can be. It just saddens be about the way we lead life. Be it in a homosexual, straight or bi-sexual lifestyle. All lifestyle are as complicated as ever. No one’s safe from anything like AIDS, TB, HIV, Hepatitis B, SARS and the list just flows on.
Chapter 2
I got to know Jonathan through the IRC channel on a Monday afternoon. It was a shiny day, yet, my friends were all in school as school has begun for them. As for me, I’m on vacation, with no one to talk to, the IRC channel was the only place I could turn to for people to chat with.
[tamp] Hi! Care to intro?
[sleepyBoi] 19m 167 57
[sleepyBoi] how about u?
[tamp] 24m 174 65
[tamp] seek?
[sleepyBoi] friends and people to chat with… how about u?
[tamp] sex and friends…
[tamp] I don’t think I am what u are looking for… haha
[sleepBoi] well, we can still chat, can’t we?
[tamp] of course we can :P
----------------
As the chat goes on, they chatted about quite a bit of things on lifestyle… then on to the topic about sex…
After a while, they decided to meet up at a nearby park to continue their chatting session.
Peter got ready to set off to Tampines to meet up with his new friend Jonathan.
----------------
Peter: Hi Jonathan, nice to meet you…
Jonathan: Yea, Hi there.
After they exchanged salutations, they began to take a stroll while chatting as they move along to a quiet spot in the part to continue with their chat.
As they continued chatting, things got a bit steamy in their conversations. Before long, they were kissing in broad day light. And their hands were all over the place. Moments later, they were behind the bushes.
-------------------
After the steamy session, they stroll out of the park, bid goodbye and decided to keep in contact. It was the first time Jonathan did that in broad day light and the first time he felt very happy about knowing someone who he feels could be his Mr. Right.
As for Peter, he felt happy to know Jonathan, and felt the same for him. However, his feeling for Jonathan is only superficial. That night, they chatted till very late on MSN messenger while listening to Amber soundtrack. A Singapore Arts Festival play by National theatre of China.
During the long chat that night, Peter could sense a love atmosphere in the works. Moreover, he is taking his time to understand more about Jonathan. After being in the gay circle for 2years, he is still a greenhorn as compared to other veterans in the circle. Even though, he might not be as green as those much younger than him.
As time passed by, slowly, after a few nights of chatting on MSN and numerous exchange of text messages, he decided that it was time to meet up with his prince charming again.
They met on the second day of his birthday. Even though it was a very brief meeting, he felt very happy about the special arrangement that Jonathan has installed for him. As compared to the ones he celebrated over the past 18years. He recounted only 6 celebrations. 3 of them with birthday cakes, while the other 2 were with friends and former colleagues at Spotlight on different occasions. And the most recent one, on the 2nd day of his birthday with Jonathan.
It was also on that day that he asked Jonathan if he was interested in going into a companionship with him. The reason why Peter decided to ask Jonathan was because, he could sense deeply that Jonathan is very deeply in love with him. And, furthermore, Peter does have some feelings for Jonathan and feels that Jonathan might be the one he has been looking for all this while.
Everything just falls into place in a flash. Within just 4days, they were already together. They defined their love as companionship where everyone gets the chance to meet up with their own group of friends as well as devoting sometime to meet up for dinner and other activities. Everything was well planned and both won’t lose out on the chance for the so-called “private space” which they both want to have. It was the ideal love life that both wanted and it did work out in be beginning though their love was flying very quickly for the first month before it eventually toned down a little.
It was also a very good thing, to have a companionship tone down to a much slower pace to build up stronger bonds and keeping it low profile at the same time means a lot to both.
Though, some of Peter’s friends were in double shock to know that he got attached suddenly when they went out with him. Not from his mouth, but rather, from the ring he always carried with him faithfully. His friends respected him for his decision on his companionship.
The times when Peter met up with Jonathan were very irregular due to Peter’s work schedule and other factors.
Chapter 3
As time went by, Peter got to know more and more friends from the internet and met them up for coffee and outings. He did also engage in some flings behind Jonathan’s back like those of kissing and hugging. Which in the eyes of Peter were just simply for flirt. There was also a couple of times when the guys he hang out with, despite knowing he is already attached confessed that they love him. He was unmoved by most of them even though he kept in contact with them.
His reason being that, they were still people whom he feels comfortable chatting with. Not because of their advances on him. And most of the time, he will push away any act of intimacy which violates him in terms of his current companionship with Jonathan. He carries Jonathan in his heart wherever he goes even at work, with wearing a ring on his neck.
However, a few months into his strong relationship, he could not stand the temptation that was presented to him and he fell into the love trap. He started to have feelings for someone he got to know for a while now. They will meet up occasionally for coffee and end up kissing and hugging in nude.
The guy that he met up with is single, and was much older than his Jonathan. They would usually exchange text messages a few times daily and crap on MSN messenger as well. The guy is also aware that Peter is attached. He once did confess that he too liked peter, moreover, he knows that there is nothing much he could do except to treat Peter like a close friend of his. And he knows his limits in this game of love. That everything can come to a close overnight. And it could either make or break a relationship should Peter’s boyfriend find out about this scandalous act of theirs.
Peter treated this affair as a side dish, and he did not really commit himself in such a fling. He knows very well the consequences that could happen should he get too deeply involved in this extra affair. It could lead to a breakup with his boyfriend and even worse, unexpected events could follow.
The affair lasted for the remaining years of his companionship till the day Jonathan saw Peter and his friend together on the streets.
Days later, Jonathan confronted Peter about what was happening and the truth came to light… Peter was having a 1year odd affair with another guy behind his back. He felt angry and cheated and wanted to deliver a slap on peter’s face. Yet, feeling very heart broken, he broke down and started crying. Asking Peter, why did you do this to me? Don’t you know how much I love you and how much I care for you? Why are you still doing this to me? Is it because I did not spend enough time with you or what?
Peter was numb with nothing to say. And moments later, he too began to drip tears for he realized his biggest mistake is to have an affair with another guy for 1 year and being very unfaithful to his boyfriend.
He wanted to hug his boyfriend… but, everything was just too late. His boyfriend was long gone even before he realized it. Though they still kept in contact, but the deep hole in Jonathan’s heart will never be healed again. It left a very deep scar, which only time will heal. And the trust that Jonathan had on Peter was long gone with the broken heart.
Chapter 4
Slowly, I recovered from my deep thoughts into the past. With a pool of tears already gathering beneath my desk. Now, after being single for 5months now, thinking back about what a nasty person I have been to be in a companionship yet having an affair with someone else… I really hate myself to the core.
Every since the final verdict, I still kept in contact with the guy I had an affair with. But, we no longer meet up that often and no longer kissing and hugging in nude. He is now happily attached with me left feeling sour. All has come and gone too fast, I do treasure every bits of this bitter sweet love that I had. However, the rainbow that I once had is now nowhere to be seen. How sad can life really be? Sometimes I really wonder? Thinking back, I really hope that I had not had an affair and should be more faithful and cherish the love and care that I was very fortunate to have. And to be tearing leads me to understand that my love for him is not just a come and go. It’s really very deep inside me, till now I can still feel the pain and I fear loving another person. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, I just want to get a life, live life more peacefully for now till I am ready for the next train to hop on for a smoother journey and stay on it for as long as my life lasts.
I guess opportunities dun always wait on us, there will always be an expiry date attached and if we are not fast enough, we will just miss it and it will never come back to take us for a second ride. That remains very true even after the day you die. I guess in life we should treasure everything we have or possess, nothing is permanent. Everything in life form can just come and go without notice.
Even our own life has an expiry date, through the course of 2 years of love and being a student nurse, I have learnt a lot about life about how we should cherish everything we have. Nothing lasts, and everyone of us maybe alive today. What about tomorrow? We might be buried or burn into ashes. Nothing is predictable in this world, the world is fast changing and evolving, no one knows where we will be tomorrow, as in this saying “yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift”. And today is exactly a gift and we should be happy that we can still live to see the day… but well, what is death then? Well, death is a continuation of life.
Maybe I just think too much sometimes, and I really mean that I think a lot. Not for saying only, I hope I will heal my sorrow and my wound soon.
Afterword
This scandalous story is not exactly very spicy. It is very plain and simply put – on the surface of having affairs. Hope you enjoyed reading it, and rethink about life. The inspiration came from the recent scandal I overhead. And, well… nothing is based on true life. Really, everything is being faked up.
Written: 12 June 2005
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