Fate :: April 6, 2005

Does fate really exist in this world? Sometimes, this appears in my mind… for moments, i would think…. And the thinking will continue for hours… since 2 months back, after the last time I saw him, my mind has been like whirlwind full of thoughts and flashbacks into the past.

The past where we would spend time together… hanging out on weekends, like close buddies, the confession I made to him… 2months before his departure and the time he took to reply to me… all this while, no answer was given, neither any clear indication.

The only thing I heard of is his unknown, and shock when I confessed to him that I liked him. He took it by surprise as it has never occurred to him that I will love him. However, deep inside me I know that whatever lies ahead of me, I will face then consequences like a true Gemini. Though, according to the horoscope, Gemini’s are known to be intellectual and indecisive twins. Yet, they belong to a world of both introvert and extrovert.

I wonder what is to come for the future that lies ahead of me. Deep in my thoughts, every night, I will think and ponder whether the wait for him is worth it or not. In the hallucinations at night, I will see him; feel him near me, even though he is far away from me – in Australia. He has gone there to further his studies. While I’m staying put here in Singapore to pursue my degree in Mass Communication. Time flies, we have not been in contact ever since he left me, out friendship has come to a sudden stop. On the day of his departure, I did not see him off, even though it was the day he was suppose to give me an answer. An answer that will decide our fate, on what we will become.

A few weeks before his departure, he started to turn on a cold shoulder on everyone, everyone that he was once close to. All his good friends and buddies were all given a cold shoulder by him. No one ever knows what has happened, whether he was deeply hurt or what ever. No one ever found out.

During this time, I tried very hard to contact him, but I couldn’t bring myself the courage to ask him what has happened. I fear he will shun away from me, I fear the worst… I fear losing him… as a friend.

Now that everything has come and gone, my worries have all but subsided, yet… I felt more uneasy as the time went by… for I had missed my chance to ask him… “What is your answer to the last puzzle?” The day has come and gone. Without any answer in view, I waited… and waited… will that day ever come? I doubt so… will I keep on waiting for him? I don’t know… I only know that… Fate shall decide…

My Thots:
This is more of a contemplative thought than to be a story… it’s more of my inner self thoughts about life and how I feel about them…