thousand miles : March 5, 2004

Disclaimer: All characters featured in this story are fictional and have no inclination to real life characters or events.

Chapter 1 – Life…

School, work, sleep. Why? All the fuss? Exams, assignments and friends? Do I need them? Well, the answer is I do not know. I live in a world of fast changing mode. Everything here requires one to work fast and on his feet. How I wish that would not be the case. That life is much more relaxing and nothing to fuss about. I am on a train heading for the city. My mind is full of unopened doors. I don’t know what I want in life.

Can I skip school? Get a couple of thousand from my parents and go on a holiday never to come back again. How I wish for that. Settle down in an unknown land and start afresh. Life is not this way either. So how is life for me at present? I live in an apartment, with my parents, grandmother and a younger brother.

Life is easy going for me, school on weekdays and work on weekends. For my mother, she goes out and works as a seamstress everyday. My father works for a mobile firm, while my younger brother goes to school and tuition classes almost everyday. The only person who has a much way easier life than I do is my grandmother. She does not have to work, she just stays home most of the time watching tv, eat, sleep. During the day, she is seldom spotted at home. So no ones at home then.

Thinking my life is easy going, yes it really is. School for me is slacking time. I don’t work hard. Everyday I will be at home playing games, otherwise out shopping. Doing nothing at all at times, skipping classes is a norm for me. If I ever get spotted in school, it will be a mere 2 to 4 hours of lessons.

As I no longer enjoy life in school, I tend to avoid going to school. It is no doubt hindering my learning, however I study at home. My most enjoyable lessons will be when I attend lab sessions. Other than that, I will be slacking at home. Only at night, will I be at my desk working.

Chapter 2 – My Friend

I often feel left out in class, there is this student I know who would always be shouting out answers for every question the teacher asks. I feel very sickened by his attitude. That has caused me to hate school even more. I really wonder how the teachers felt when such events happened. It just does not seem right that such events should occur. I was jealous, very jealous of him knowing the answers and being over enthusiastic at it. How I wish I can tolerate his behavior and challenge him. However, I feel inferior over him, He is too proud from his looks and felt that I should keep myself low while showing my true self only at a later stage.

On weekends, I work at a home interiors store that sells home furnishings, fabrics and craft materials. I know of a friend there, she is older than me by quite a few years. I know her when I joined the store as a part-time staff two years back. I came to know her only after I insulted her once. Thereafter, we became friends over time. We were not very good friends. However, as time went by, I came to know her better. She is a sporting person who frequents the gym at least three times a week.

As school started a year ago for me, I only work on weekends and seldom get to see her. This chance was very slim; at most it would be once a fortnight or never. Though I miss her, I also slowly developed a love for her. More recently, I had this idea of telling her I love her. I could feel the same effect of my past hitting hard on my shoulders.

I had once also developed a love for my older cousin. I could remember saying to myself, when I was in primary school that one day I will marry my cousin. As time gone by, this thought slowly diminished. This thought surfaced once more four years ago when she started dating her first boyfriend. Now she is into her third boyfriend. Whenever, I see them together I will feel very uneasy. Somehow, this feeling surfaces every now and then. Now it is somehow under control and is slowly dissolving.

Every alternate weekend, when I see her, I will ask her out for lunch together. As time went by, this feeling of love grew stronger and stronger. How I wish she is my age and I can date her. However, this thought of dating her has never crossed the line. At least it is under wraps, not revealed at all. And I hope it will not be revealed for good. I foresee bad omens if it ever comes to light.

Will I ever confess, I doubt. Will I live a happy life and get out of my nightmares, I know it neither. What are my choices, is a mystery of its own. Whatever that beholds this door’s key will get unlocked, someday somehow someway…

Just then, I heard the train announcement system announce “City Hall”. It is time for me to alight. I stood up from my seat and head for the exit to the platform.

I move up the escalator while my thoughts sink back into my brain cells to be forgotten.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a thought, feeling low and slacking, I wrote this short story out of wacky ideas with funny feelings about myself falling in love… Definitely an illusion.

Written: 5 Mar 2004
Area: Fast Food Joint at Wisma Atria, Orchard Road, Singapore.