mismatch : September 1 - 10, 2005

Does true love really exist in this world?

Chapter 1
As I sat by my desktop browsing through my dating profile on a local dating site, I chance upon a new message in my Inbox. Immediately, I took a quick glance at the message and click on the sender’s profile to have a quick look at the stats.

Without a second though, immediately, I decided to add him into my messenger contact list. Moments later, both of us began to engage in a conversation online. As we chatted on and on… it led on to a very long chat on the phone. The atmosphere felt like chatting with an old friend. Gossips were among some of the topics exchanged throughout the conversation.

The chat came to a complete end 3hours later… which was quite a shock… with more still left unsaid. The following day, I was gone, decided to go on a weekend long break to a distant island in a foreign country for a breakaway stay.

During the 3 days overseas, my mind got collected with my many thoughts and a recollection of the past. From the day I got to know my ex till the day he left me and the events that led on to liking someone younger than me with a maturity level that was beyond his age on to this current friend whom I feel clicks… but I rather only regard him as a friend.

Upon my return from my 3 days breakaway, I started to realize the importance of friendship and how we should treasure our friends. Perhaps, that’s the reason behind why tears flowed down freely as I took the ferry back….

Chapter 2

On my return, the first thing I did was to text all my beloved friends about my return and changed my voicemail pre-recorded message. After which, I started to unpack my bag and met up with a few friends that evening. We had a long session of chat to catch up with one another since my disappearance without notice. It got them into some form of shock… and also, passed them some sweets… since I have decided to bring back nothing for them.

The days that follow, I stayed home to do research for my numerous projects as well as to attend workshops on healthcare and catching up with school work since it was a 1 week vacation for me.

The nights that follow, I will log on to messenger and chat with him, chatting through the night and ending it with phone chats. It usually ends at 1am. Days later, we deiced to meet up that week on a Friday.

The night before the meet up, I went over to my senior’s place for a sleepover. It was a night of catching up with my biology as well as a talk crap session. We both chatted about our life and our ex-boyfriends.

The next morning, I rushed home to unload my belonging and went out to meet up with him. I was late, after all, who cares? I was not late without a reason. I explained my reason for being late and we went to the PC Show that was on that day in the city area.

We spend hours there looking at the various laptops and took our time to allow him to choose one that suits his needs… after hours of walking and considerations, we finally came to a conclusion on the model that interest him. He settled the payment and the deliver date then went on to look at the food fair which was up one level. We had our late lunch there; it was filled with lots of people buzzing around for good bargains.

The day ended with another round of shopping around the convention centre shopping malls before we parted our ways. I went for my workshop on supplements while he went home.

Chapter 3

The days that followed were quite boring, I was sick that weekend and it ruined my revision plans. The following week, school began. Back in school, I start my engines on rushing out the projects that were to be due. With that, came my serious mood swings and quarrels between fellow classmates – which were sparked off out of the blue.

I was a little down perhaps due to my lack of sleep and stress factors. I had many dreams too in the night whenever I close my eyes. I’ll start dreaming, about life, the corporate world and many other things that just happen to glaze through my mind.

The following week Friday, we met once more. That morning I was heavily drugged and felt nauseated while in school. Halfway through the day I decided to head home to rest. After having rested enough, it was about time to head out to meet up with him. As per usual, we went shopping and chatted briefly. This time it was much livelier… however, I got slightly more playful. I started to tickle him while we were out shopping since he was a little annoying. It seemed just like when I hang out with my group of friends – after all, he is just a friend; Someone who I do not want to consider as a date.

The day went smoothly with shopping and we had dinner at a food court. Unknown to my eyes, a friend was sitting directly behind me. However, I did not notice the text message.

So, after dinner, we went to the cinema to catch a movie. It was quite a boring movie and we ended up holding hand for fun instead of viewing the movie. The day ended with a stroll down to esplanade for a short chit chat before we parted.

That night my mind came to a halt considering whether I should want to proceed further than just being friends. However, my mind made several objections to that. Perhaps, I felt I still cannot forget someone whom has left me not too long ago and, the possibility of school work load killing me is making me feel mad about considering anything more than relationships.

Maybe being friends will still work out better for me at this stage in time. And further more, I feel it more like an infatuation than anything else at this stage… not that I am in love with the person, I just enjoy the person’s company as a friend and it will feel more like a mismatch after all.

Looking back at the past experiences, I would rather steer clear of all forms of relationship until I am very sure that I have truly found what I have always been looking for – true love. Does it ever exist? I am still very unsure at this point in time. However, what I am assured of is that… it should consist of passion, intimacy and love.

As for whether it does exist, I would say, it does to a certain extend. Moreover, it will take time to tell. Feeling is just part of the whole effect after all. Without love or chemistry, nothing is going to work out.

The days that went by, our friendship got better. We bonded together well, once more, chatted as per usual.

Chapter 4
The following weekend, I went over to his place to install some software and we chatted for quite sometime. As it turns out, after having dinner, he told me something that shocked me. It was a confession which I could not really accept. He has been holding a torch for a while now. However, he did not have the courage to confess and even so… I felt like fainting. And I was loss in my senses as I suddenly fell unconscious.

----The next moment when I woke up, I realize I was lying half nude on his bed. My mind went ablank. What has happened? Have I been raped without knowing it? I immediately put on my clothings and questioned him.

“what is this?” I asked in an angered voice.

“well, nothing… I just took off your clothing since u fainted.” He replied.

“What? Are you mad?”… While I said that, I delivered a slap on his cheek and left without a word.

----I left his place hurriedly and went to my favorite place to sit down and wallow in sorrow. If I had known such thing will occur, I should have not went to his place at all. I felt so low in my self-esteem.

I am at a loss of what to do. It was something which I hated and for that to happen was just plain annoying. Why did he do such a thing to me? Isn’t it betrayal of a friendship or privacy? It’s just so annoying.

As I think deeply, I felt like diving into the river. To drown myself and never be seen again. Perhaps it was what I should do – since I see no value in living on this sorrowful world after all.

However, I deiced perhaps… I should go to him and ask him what he did. The next moment, he appeared from behind me. He explained that he did not do anything… he just took off my clothes and hug me for a while. I felt so crap… I pushed him away and ran… as far as I could… without saying any word… and deleted his contact and decided that we should not be in contact anymore.

Afterword

This work is very crap and written without much thought. It is one more the worst written piece. Maybe for a breathing out some inner thoughts perhaps…>
Written: September 1 - 10, 2005