textWorks :: Stories of the heart...

the forgotten

2007-01-10T15:15:00.000+08:00

the forgotten

when someone leaves, we tend to forgot... what happens if they re-appear?

chapter one

when he left... he left without a trace... without a word...

to be cont...

mismatch : September 1 - 10, 2005

2005-09-10T12:36:00.000+08:00

Does true love really exist in this world?

Chapter 1
As I sat by my desktop browsing through my dating profile on a local dating site, I chance upon a new message in my Inbox. Immediately, I took a quick glance at the message and click on the sender’s profile to have a quick look at the stats.

Without a second though, immediately, I decided to add him into my messenger contact list. Moments later, both of us began to engage in a conversation online. As we chatted on and on… it led on to a very long chat on the phone. The atmosphere felt like chatting with an old friend. Gossips were among some of the topics exchanged throughout the conversation.

The chat came to a complete end 3hours later… which was quite a shock… with more still left unsaid. The following day, I was gone, decided to go on a weekend long break to a distant island in a foreign country for a breakaway stay.

During the 3 days overseas, my mind got collected with my many thoughts and a recollection of the past. From the day I got to know my ex till the day he left me and the events that led on to liking someone younger than me with a maturity level that was beyond his age on to this current friend whom I feel clicks… but I rather only regard him as a friend.

Upon my return from my 3 days breakaway, I started to realize the importance of friendship and how we should treasure our friends. Perhaps, that’s the reason behind why tears flowed down freely as I took the ferry back….

Chapter 2

On my return, the first thing I did was to text all my beloved friends about my return and changed my voicemail pre-recorded message. After which, I started to unpack my bag and met up with a few friends that evening. We had a long session of chat to catch up with one another since my disappearance without notice. It got them into some form of shock… and also, passed them some sweets… since I have decided to bring back nothing for them.

The days that follow, I stayed home to do research for my numerous projects as well as to attend workshops on healthcare and catching up with school work since it was a 1 week vacation for me.

The nights that follow, I will log on to messenger and chat with him, chatting through the night and ending it with phone chats. It usually ends at 1am. Days later, we deiced to meet up that week on a Friday.

The night before the meet up, I went over to my senior’s place for a sleepover. It was a night of catching up with my biology as well as a talk crap session. We both chatted about our life and our ex-boyfriends.

The next morning, I rushed home to unload my belonging and went out to meet up with him. I was late, after all, who cares? I was not late without a reason. I explained my reason for being late and we went to the PC Show that was on that day in the city area.

We spend hours there looking at the various laptops and took our time to allow him to choose one that suits his needs… after hours of walking and considerations, we finally came to a conclusion on the model that interest him. He settled the payment and the deliver date then went on to look at the food fair which was up one level. We had our late lunch there; it was filled with lots of people buzzing around for good bargains.

The day ended with another round of shopping around the convention centre shopping malls before we parted our ways. I went for my workshop on supplements while he went home.

Chapter 3

The days that followed were quite boring, I was sick that weekend and it ruined my revision plans. The following week, school began. Back in school, I start my engines on rushing out the projects that were to be due. With that, came my serious mood swings and quarrels between fellow classmates – which were sparked off out of the blue.

I was a little down perhaps due to my lack of sleep and stress factors. I had many dreams too in the night whenever I close my eyes. I’ll start dreaming, about life, the corporate world and many other things that just happen to glaze through my mind.

The following week Friday, we met once more. That morning I was heavily drugged and felt nauseated while in school. Halfway through the day I decided to head home to rest. After having rested enough, it was about time to head out to meet up with him. As per usual, we went shopping and chatted briefly. This time it was much livelier… however, I got slightly more playful. I started to tickle him while we were out shopping since he was a little annoying. It seemed just like when I hang out with my group of friends – after all, he is just a friend; Someone who I do not want to consider as a date.

The day went smoothly with shopping and we had dinner at a food court. Unknown to my eyes, a friend was sitting directly behind me. However, I did not notice the text message.

So, after dinner, we went to the cinema to catch a movie. It was quite a boring movie and we ended up holding hand for fun instead of viewing the movie. The day ended with a stroll down to esplanade for a short chit chat before we parted.

That night my mind came to a halt considering whether I should want to proceed further than just being friends. However, my mind made several objections to that. Perhaps, I felt I still cannot forget someone whom has left me not too long ago and, the possibility of school work load killing me is making me feel mad about considering anything more than relationships.

Maybe being friends will still work out better for me at this stage in time. And further more, I feel it more like an infatuation than anything else at this stage… not that I am in love with the person, I just enjoy the person’s company as a friend and it will feel more like a mismatch after all.

Looking back at the past experiences, I would rather steer clear of all forms of relationship until I am very sure that I have truly found what I have always been looking for – true love. Does it ever exist? I am still very unsure at this point in time. However, what I am assured of is that… it should consist of passion, intimacy and love.

As for whether it does exist, I would say, it does to a certain extend. Moreover, it will take time to tell. Feeling is just part of the whole effect after all. Without love or chemistry, nothing is going to work out.

The days that went by, our friendship got better. We bonded together well, once more, chatted as per usual.

Chapter 4
The following weekend, I went over to his place to install some software and we chatted for quite sometime. As it turns out, after having dinner, he told me something that shocked me. It was a confession which I could not really accept. He has been holding a torch for a while now. However, he did not have the courage to confess and even so… I felt like fainting. And I was loss in my senses as I suddenly fell unconscious.

----The next moment when I woke up, I realize I was lying half nude on his bed. My mind went ablank. What has happened? Have I been raped without knowing it? I immediately put on my clothings and questioned him.

“what is this?” I asked in an angered voice.

“well, nothing… I just took off your clothing since u fainted.” He replied.

“What? Are you mad?”… While I said that, I delivered a slap on his cheek and left without a word.

----I left his place hurriedly and went to my favorite place to sit down and wallow in sorrow. If I had known such thing will occur, I should have not went to his place at all. I felt so low in my self-esteem.

I am at a loss of what to do. It was something which I hated and for that to happen was just plain annoying. Why did he do such a thing to me? Isn’t it betrayal of a friendship or privacy? It’s just so annoying.

As I think deeply, I felt like diving into the river. To drown myself and never be seen again. Perhaps it was what I should do – since I see no value in living on this sorrowful world after all.

However, I deiced perhaps… I should go to him and ask him what he did. The next moment, he appeared from behind me. He explained that he did not do anything… he just took off my clothes and hug me for a while. I felt so crap… I pushed him away and ran… as far as I could… without saying any word… and deleted his contact and decided that we should not be in contact anymore.

Afterword

This work is very crap and written without much thought. It is one more the worst written piece. Maybe for a breathing out some inner thoughts perhaps…>
Written: September 1 - 10, 2005

the forgiver :: June 15, 2005

2005-06-15T12:08:00.000+08:00

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, January, February, March, April, May, June, July…. The days and months go on…

Disclaimer: All characters in the story are works of fiction, and are in no relation to real life characters or events.

Chapter I

I sat down by my desktop, listening to the song Goodbye’s (The Saddest Word) on my Winamp ® player. It brought back many memories from the beginning of my love life till the end. The numerous turbulences that rocked my entire journey in search of my Mr. Right.

Yet, at the end of the tunnel of this 1year of relationship, what I got was not his love nor his soul. But, a valuable lesson learnt from this turbulent relationship where I grew to be stronger in my belief and stronger in my will to love and be loved. To spend more time with him as well as to gain his trust and use it as the foundation to my ever growing intelligence in building a stronger relationship.

Life on its own is really a miracle, from the day we were born to this earth, we are fated to die off years later. And through the journey in life, I always kept this goal of bringing about joy and happiness to people around me. And not asking for anything in return as a favor. I feel, life is about helping others and touching their lives.

I feel, no matter what job we choose to work in, we are already giving back what we have gotten from the society. Even as a homosexual, we are also giving back what we took from society from the point of working in the society, contributing to the society as a whole in the forms of the economics. Even though, we maybe unable to produce children, but, we are paying taxes as well to support the society structure as a whole.

Being fascinated with life, as I listen to the near ending of the song… “Goodbye’s the last time I will hold you near… Someday you say that word and I will cry… It’ll break my heart to hear you say goodbye”… tears began streaming down my eyeballs…. Pure crystal tears which I can’t imagine… it saddens me every time a relationship comes to an end… the reason being, it could mean… I will no longer be in contact with them or… the person is leaving for another country… or when the person is deceased… these are the numerous episodes in life where we see tears streaming down people’s eyes…

Chapter II

As my thoughts went deeper into my heart… I began to think back in time… just like watching a movie film strip, showing the past life…

I got to know Keith back in August 1year 5months back from a dating website. Things were well in the beginning. We started off as friends on the net. Chatted for a few weeks before we finally met up on a Saturday evening in Orchard road.

We went for dinner at Swensens Crown Prince hotel, then proceeded with a stroll down Orchard Road towards Plaza Singapura to catch a movie. There after, we took a cab home, he send me to my place before heading back.

As the days went by, we got to know each other better and things started to get more intimate. It was then… one night, when I went over to his apartment that we confessed our love for one another.

That night we had a candle light dinner served with home cooked pasta of spaghetti and pizza. He did the cooking and washing up, and the food was delicious. Or maybe, because we were very hungry for food.

After the washing up of the dishes, we sat by the living room, staring out towards the balcony facing the open sea. We began to hold hands and before long, started kissing. It was the first time I kissed and the first time I had sex with anyone.

He was my first love. I was his tenth lover. What a vast difference, he’s 27 while I was 22. I only began work in society as a freelance journalist and a part time relief teacher. I enjoyed the likes of both worlds. Writing and sharing my knowledge with everyone who I meet.

As the night proceeded, darker and darker in the dimly lit living room, we started to unzip and undress till we were only left with g-strings. We happen to wear g-strings that day. Not because of any fetish, but was because we did it for fun and was coincidental that we both wore the same thing inside us. By the time we were both nude, we were already crawling into the bedroom.

Intense kissing continued with hugging and foreplay. Through the night sex took place till the wee hours before we both got tired and jerked off before taking a shower and going to sleep.

The next day, morning, the fun continued as it was a weekend. We went for a short cycling expedition and some tanning at East Coast Park before heading for lunch at Kenny Rogers®. We continued to bask in the sun till the evening before having dinner over at his place. Stayed there till eight at night before he send me back home.

Every weekend was spend in almost the same fashion, except that we did different things every weekend. We also went on 2 short trips – one to Perth, Australia and the other to Taiwan.

However, this relationship did not last… after 12months together, I got tired of everything. As for him, he started to go for one night stands, bringing guys back to his apartment for sex every weekday where he feels like mating. I got very pissed at the sight of it when I found out one day when I did my surprise visit to his apartment.

The sight of him mating with some other guy shattered my image of him. I got very angry and gave him a punch on the abs before heading out of his apartment and throwing his apartment keys back to him.

I felt cheated of my entire relationship, my 1 year spend with him has gone to waste. For someone whom I had loved deeply has betrayed me. Not because I refused to have sex with him, it was because his desire for sex was far beyond what I could give him. All because, I had to rush work all the way till wee hours at night to rush out the news for the next day.

Ever since that night, we were no longer in contact. I ignored his explanations and e-mails which he sent me. I felt that there was no reason I should ever contact him for he has cheated me of my feelings and I felt so cheap to have been toyed with.

Months later, I decided to leave Singapore and went on a month holiday trip to Australia. I took the opportunity to gain exposure to learn more of the Australian culture as well as to compose my first novel. Within a month, I completed writing my novel and returned to Singapore with a fresh beginning, and has forgiven him after much thought. However, I will no longer love him, if I were to meet him on the streets, I will only acknowledge him as a friend.

Chapter III

Life got back to normal – just like before I began my love life. I returned to my teaching as well as my journalist job. I submitted my works of various big and small publishers for review. I received many replied but only one publisher was keen to get my novel published.

After months of discussion and editing of the story, the novel was ready to be published. The initial print was ten thousand copies, and I decided to pledge part of my royalties to charity. Even though I know that the book will not be a great hit.

It was a story a child’s journey in search of his true identity. And about the numerous obstacles he has go through before he could finally realize what he wanted in life and who he truly is.

To my surprise, months after the book hits the shelves, there was a request of a reprint. I was taken by surprise and my publisher actually organized a book signing session for me to share my writing experience with the many readers who purchased the book.

It was during that book signing session that I met him again. I could sense the old atmosphere just like the day we first met on Orchard Road. However, the feeling of closeness wasn’t there anymore. We went for coffee after the book singing session and had a long chat.

We updated one another on our happenings, only after much prompting from him did I reveal how I was living my life. And I told him I had forgiven him for what he had done. However, I told him that I wish him luck in whatever he wants to do in life. As I no longer feel for him. Before we departed, we embraced one another for the last time and we walked off in opposite directions. We never turned back, there was no turning back, both of us were not attached, he no longer went for one night stands and life got better for both of us.

I focused on writing full time while he did his advertising.

As I recovered from my thoughts… the player was still playing the same song over and over again… even though goodbye’s maybe the saddest thing, I feel… a goodbye can be a temporary exit as well as a permanent exit. For me, I feel he is just a phase in my life. He entered and exit, as he had wished. I had no regrets of know him and having him as part of my life. However, I do not wish to hate him either, as I feel forgive and forget still suits me best.

Afterword

Write this story out of boredom. The inspiration came from Celine Dion’s song – Goodbyes (the Saddest Word). Hope you have enjoyed the story.

Forbidden Love :: June 12, 2005

2005-06-12T13:19:00.000+08:00

Faithful + un-Faithful = Scandals?? Does this equation always exist?

Disclaimer: The characters in this story dead or alive have no relation to real life beings.

Chapter 1
Sometimes I ask myself? Have I been faithful to my boyfriend? In terms of the undivided love for him. And most of the time, I could not exactly come to a concluding statement on this topic. Why? Why has that to be? Am I really that heartless? Again, another big question mark comes stomping into my face.

As my thoughts carried me further away from reality, I began to think back into the past. Of the various unfaithful events that preceded during my 2 years of companionship with Jonathan – my ex boyfriend.

It seems like watching a 2hour movie, everything was in a flash, from the time we met, got together, have sex till the day we parted our ways to go our separate ways. Every moment was being captured, even the unsightly moments where I had flings with other guys, as well as the guy who has tried to snatch me away from Jonathan, but without success of course.

As I think back all these, tears began to roll down from my eyeballs. The crystal clear tears were flowing profusely as if I am bleeding to death. I feel sorrow deep inside me, and a sense of guilt of what I had done to him. Most of the flings I had were injustice on my part, for being coaxed into a very high feeling. For being immature on my part, not being able to make sound judgment of what is right and wrong.

All in all, a world of sadness now overshadows me. For being slut, and being unfaithful. For being all the nasty decretory words you can think of.

From my point of view, I led a very messy life. With clubbing on weekends to bitching in class about how short the girls are wearing their slut skirts to my lecturers about how bimbotic and old fashioned some of them are. It’s a very sadistic world that I belong to.

Even when I am on my clinical postings, the sight of the way some of the student nurse behave also make me want to bitch at them about how unprofessional they can be. It just saddens be about the way we lead life. Be it in a homosexual, straight or bi-sexual lifestyle. All lifestyle are as complicated as ever. No one’s safe from anything like AIDS, TB, HIV, Hepatitis B, SARS and the list just flows on.

Chapter 2

I got to know Jonathan through the IRC channel on a Monday afternoon. It was a shiny day, yet, my friends were all in school as school has begun for them. As for me, I’m on vacation, with no one to talk to, the IRC channel was the only place I could turn to for people to chat with.

[tamp] Hi! Care to intro?
[sleepyBoi] 19m 167 57
[sleepyBoi] how about u?
[tamp] 24m 174 65
[tamp] seek?
[sleepyBoi] friends and people to chat with… how about u?
[tamp] sex and friends…
[tamp] I don’t think I am what u are looking for… haha
[sleepBoi] well, we can still chat, can’t we?
[tamp] of course we can :P
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As the chat goes on, they chatted about quite a bit of things on lifestyle… then on to the topic about sex…

After a while, they decided to meet up at a nearby park to continue their chatting session.

Peter got ready to set off to Tampines to meet up with his new friend Jonathan.

----------------

Peter: Hi Jonathan, nice to meet you…

Jonathan: Yea, Hi there.

After they exchanged salutations, they began to take a stroll while chatting as they move along to a quiet spot in the part to continue with their chat.

As they continued chatting, things got a bit steamy in their conversations. Before long, they were kissing in broad day light. And their hands were all over the place. Moments later, they were behind the bushes.

-------------------

After the steamy session, they stroll out of the park, bid goodbye and decided to keep in contact. It was the first time Jonathan did that in broad day light and the first time he felt very happy about knowing someone who he feels could be his Mr. Right.

As for Peter, he felt happy to know Jonathan, and felt the same for him. However, his feeling for Jonathan is only superficial. That night, they chatted till very late on MSN messenger while listening to Amber soundtrack. A Singapore Arts Festival play by National theatre of China.

During the long chat that night, Peter could sense a love atmosphere in the works. Moreover, he is taking his time to understand more about Jonathan. After being in the gay circle for 2years, he is still a greenhorn as compared to other veterans in the circle. Even though, he might not be as green as those much younger than him.

As time passed by, slowly, after a few nights of chatting on MSN and numerous exchange of text messages, he decided that it was time to meet up with his prince charming again.

They met on the second day of his birthday. Even though it was a very brief meeting, he felt very happy about the special arrangement that Jonathan has installed for him. As compared to the ones he celebrated over the past 18years. He recounted only 6 celebrations. 3 of them with birthday cakes, while the other 2 were with friends and former colleagues at Spotlight on different occasions. And the most recent one, on the 2nd day of his birthday with Jonathan.

It was also on that day that he asked Jonathan if he was interested in going into a companionship with him. The reason why Peter decided to ask Jonathan was because, he could sense deeply that Jonathan is very deeply in love with him. And, furthermore, Peter does have some feelings for Jonathan and feels that Jonathan might be the one he has been looking for all this while.

Everything just falls into place in a flash. Within just 4days, they were already together. They defined their love as companionship where everyone gets the chance to meet up with their own group of friends as well as devoting sometime to meet up for dinner and other activities. Everything was well planned and both won’t lose out on the chance for the so-called “private space” which they both want to have. It was the ideal love life that both wanted and it did work out in be beginning though their love was flying very quickly for the first month before it eventually toned down a little.

It was also a very good thing, to have a companionship tone down to a much slower pace to build up stronger bonds and keeping it low profile at the same time means a lot to both.

Though, some of Peter’s friends were in double shock to know that he got attached suddenly when they went out with him. Not from his mouth, but rather, from the ring he always carried with him faithfully. His friends respected him for his decision on his companionship.

The times when Peter met up with Jonathan were very irregular due to Peter’s work schedule and other factors.

Chapter 3

As time went by, Peter got to know more and more friends from the internet and met them up for coffee and outings. He did also engage in some flings behind Jonathan’s back like those of kissing and hugging. Which in the eyes of Peter were just simply for flirt. There was also a couple of times when the guys he hang out with, despite knowing he is already attached confessed that they love him. He was unmoved by most of them even though he kept in contact with them.

His reason being that, they were still people whom he feels comfortable chatting with. Not because of their advances on him. And most of the time, he will push away any act of intimacy which violates him in terms of his current companionship with Jonathan. He carries Jonathan in his heart wherever he goes even at work, with wearing a ring on his neck.

However, a few months into his strong relationship, he could not stand the temptation that was presented to him and he fell into the love trap. He started to have feelings for someone he got to know for a while now. They will meet up occasionally for coffee and end up kissing and hugging in nude.

The guy that he met up with is single, and was much older than his Jonathan. They would usually exchange text messages a few times daily and crap on MSN messenger as well. The guy is also aware that Peter is attached. He once did confess that he too liked peter, moreover, he knows that there is nothing much he could do except to treat Peter like a close friend of his. And he knows his limits in this game of love. That everything can come to a close overnight. And it could either make or break a relationship should Peter’s boyfriend find out about this scandalous act of theirs.

Peter treated this affair as a side dish, and he did not really commit himself in such a fling. He knows very well the consequences that could happen should he get too deeply involved in this extra affair. It could lead to a breakup with his boyfriend and even worse, unexpected events could follow.

The affair lasted for the remaining years of his companionship till the day Jonathan saw Peter and his friend together on the streets.

Days later, Jonathan confronted Peter about what was happening and the truth came to light… Peter was having a 1year odd affair with another guy behind his back. He felt angry and cheated and wanted to deliver a slap on peter’s face. Yet, feeling very heart broken, he broke down and started crying. Asking Peter, why did you do this to me? Don’t you know how much I love you and how much I care for you? Why are you still doing this to me? Is it because I did not spend enough time with you or what?

Peter was numb with nothing to say. And moments later, he too began to drip tears for he realized his biggest mistake is to have an affair with another guy for 1 year and being very unfaithful to his boyfriend.

He wanted to hug his boyfriend… but, everything was just too late. His boyfriend was long gone even before he realized it. Though they still kept in contact, but the deep hole in Jonathan’s heart will never be healed again. It left a very deep scar, which only time will heal. And the trust that Jonathan had on Peter was long gone with the broken heart.

Chapter 4

Slowly, I recovered from my deep thoughts into the past. With a pool of tears already gathering beneath my desk. Now, after being single for 5months now, thinking back about what a nasty person I have been to be in a companionship yet having an affair with someone else… I really hate myself to the core.

Every since the final verdict, I still kept in contact with the guy I had an affair with. But, we no longer meet up that often and no longer kissing and hugging in nude. He is now happily attached with me left feeling sour. All has come and gone too fast, I do treasure every bits of this bitter sweet love that I had. However, the rainbow that I once had is now nowhere to be seen. How sad can life really be? Sometimes I really wonder? Thinking back, I really hope that I had not had an affair and should be more faithful and cherish the love and care that I was very fortunate to have. And to be tearing leads me to understand that my love for him is not just a come and go. It’s really very deep inside me, till now I can still feel the pain and I fear loving another person. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, I just want to get a life, live life more peacefully for now till I am ready for the next train to hop on for a smoother journey and stay on it for as long as my life lasts.

I guess opportunities dun always wait on us, there will always be an expiry date attached and if we are not fast enough, we will just miss it and it will never come back to take us for a second ride. That remains very true even after the day you die. I guess in life we should treasure everything we have or possess, nothing is permanent. Everything in life form can just come and go without notice.

Even our own life has an expiry date, through the course of 2 years of love and being a student nurse, I have learnt a lot about life about how we should cherish everything we have. Nothing lasts, and everyone of us maybe alive today. What about tomorrow? We might be buried or burn into ashes. Nothing is predictable in this world, the world is fast changing and evolving, no one knows where we will be tomorrow, as in this saying “yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift”. And today is exactly a gift and we should be happy that we can still live to see the day… but well, what is death then? Well, death is a continuation of life.

Maybe I just think too much sometimes, and I really mean that I think a lot. Not for saying only, I hope I will heal my sorrow and my wound soon.

Afterword

This scandalous story is not exactly very spicy. It is very plain and simply put – on the surface of having affairs. Hope you enjoyed reading it, and rethink about life. The inspiration came from the recent scandal I overhead. And, well… nothing is based on true life. Really, everything is being faked up.

Written: 12 June 2005

lost love :: May 11, 2005

2005-05-11T11:40:00.000+08:00

Can love be lost? Or forgiven?

Disclaimer: The characters featured in this story are fictional and have no relation to real life beings.

Chapter 1

Does love actually exist in real life? I wonder… never had I fallen for 3 people over a period of 3 months… one love after another, I wonder if I was human or am I a machine who lust for love?

It all began 2 years ago, with my admission into a tertiary institution. My course is female-dominated. With just only a few males around, getting a girlfriend was as easy as ABC. Given the charm I have in myself, with that sunshine smile always on my face, I felt confident of getting a girl friend in a matter of a few days.

It did not matter to me which girl got attracted to me, so long as they have the right attitude and character, I’ll consider them a possible candidate for my love and affection.

Yet, I was proven wrong, with my first love. Never had I been rejected that badly, it was the first time, I felt so bad about it altogether.

I came to know Clare from my course. She is a plum average looking girl, an Indian Chinese to be exact. I guess, it was love at first sight that I decided to get close to her. I got attracted to her, for her sincerity in making friends and making everyone feel at home.

Within days, my affections for her started to grow; every encounter with her was very nice and pleasant. I was not even aware that I have fallen for her secretly. In a matter of weeks, words spread about me holding a torch for her. I started to get distant from her, as she was back stabbing me behind her back. To make matters worse, I actually heard her back stabbing me one fine day while we were in the lift.

I was very hurt that I asked myself, am I sure she is the one when she keeps back stabbing you?

My answer was, yes, I’m sure I don’ judge a book by its cover, neither will I judge a person by her attitude. So what is the reason why I love her? Again, the same question popped into my mind – my answer was, she is cute, jumpy and makes a good companion.

Everything to me was nice, even the slightest glitch many see in her were being missed or ignored by me. I became ignorant, while making sure she did not know I had fallen for her. Slowly, day by day, I tried to get closer to her, yet I failed to get close enough to her.

Fear has already started to over take her, and confront her. She got scared of me, then did I realize what all the back stab was about. She felt that I was getting too close to her, and she felt puzzled over what was actually happening.

This feeling lasted for weeks, I made no move to tell her. Though, I blogged my feelings out on the web.
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One fine evening, we happen to be having out dinner in school. During dinner, a group of us were gathered together at the fast food outlet in school. While seated enjoying my dinner at opposite ends of the long table, I over heard that she already has got someone she loves. I decided to give up loving her, I felt, since she is attached; there I no need for me to say any further. I decided to retreat from this love, I felt that I do not want to end up holding a torch and further more, loving someone who does not even love you is not something that I will want to do.

However, words spread from my blog. A few days later, while in the library, I was cornered by the girls in my class to answer this question – “is it true that you like Clare?”

I gathered myself, thinking, where did you find out that I have feelings for Clare?

I asked “where did you hear this from?”

“Sorry, we happen to be browsing your Friendster and saw your blog too.” replied Carol.

“hmm, well, let’s just say, I don’t like her anymore. As of last night.” I replied calmy.

“So, it’s true that you like her right? Why suddenly change your mind?” Carol asked with a surprise look on her face.

“hey, let’s just put it simply, she loves someone else, so… I think… I should just give up since I know where I stand in her heart” I replied, in a slightly low tone.

After hearing that, Clare stood up from the desk and ran towards the exit. Moments later, I was left alone – the girls have all went after Clare. Alone to think, what did I say wrongly?

I felt so bad about revealing the truth to them, why am I suppose to feel this way, when in the first place I had did nothing wrong. I had only just expressed my thoughts and feelings. Nothing more did matter to me at all.

---------------------

After that incident, I did not see her for a few days. Was worried sick as she did not attend lessons. I decided to get some 2 small teddy bears, a letter “C” and a “Get well soon” one. On the day I saw her, I passed them to her in the morning. It was our last day in school for the term.

Just as everything was suppose to seem like a nice ending. I blew my top, what actually happened? There was this ignorant classmate – Jane who kept meddling with my name, even after I explained to her the right pronunciation. She kept saying it wrongly in a very playful tone. I got furious after having to correct her a lot of times. In the end, I screamed right into her face outside the lecture theatre.

While all eyes were suddenly fixed on me, I walked calmly into the lecture hall. I was filled with anguish which ate up my soul. I felt empty inside me, as for jane, she cried outside the lecture theatre. When I saw her weeping one hour later, I decided to make an apology to her. She simply ignored me, to complicate matters, Clare returned me the 2 bears which I gave her 1 hour before our last lecture. Her reason was, she felt she could not accept me, she told Teresa to return me the bears. My heart was broken and angry, angry for what I did, broken because she decided to reject me.

As for the fate of the two cute bears, I threw them into the bin outside the lecture hall. Our story ended just like that. Were we friends, my answer was simply no, from then on – I became the irritating housefly in her eyes.

Chapter 2

After the incident, I was feeling down for the days that following until I met a friend on friendster. He added me, I was surprised that we clicked at first chat. I guess, everyone does especially on the net.

The interesting part was that we felt like twins, as we shared most of the common traits, our thinking were almost the same, he felt like a brother to me. We got very close in just one day’s chat. And decided to meet up for the first time a few days later.

Little did I realize he is gay. I was not against gay, as I have a very keen interest in knowing them more. They belong and live in this world, my exposure to the gay circle begain in late sixteen. Back then, I was curious of how they lead their lifestyle. However, little did I realize I will get hooked by the way of life. It was not something that I feel is bad, moreover, the society we live him discriminates them. I did not regard myself gay because of my encounter with him, I felt that I want to know more friends from different walks of life. Not just from the straight people, but also from gays, lesbians and bisexuals. I do not discriminate them, now that I am in my late seventeen, I feel, I’m able to tolerate them – as I am also gay.

Living in a low profile status was what I did, my feelings for his friend I got to know wasn’t that strong. Even when we were chatting on the phone, I felt a sense of friendliness. As for him, he painted a very beautiful picture of me, which later ended up to be very ugly. Why was that so? He felt that I wasn’t his type of guy, I felt so hurt, after our first meeting, his has put on high hopes on himself and ended up falling deeply into the trench.

I felt that I had fallen deeply for him after our first meeting, with him feeling yet the opposite. My life took a drastic turn. I began to think, why, why did I fall for Clare when I already know I am Gay? Was I just curious to experiment with a straight lifestyle, or am I in denial about being Gay?

These questions constantly popped into my mind, and I started to wonder, why did he decide to dump me after our first meet? Why? It is just so funny and irritating; yet finding an answer was never easy. That was when I decided to talk to Amanda and she was one of the first straight friends to know that I had… become Gay.

I suffered very deep depression during my vacation, to complicate matters, I felt a sense of living hell in me. reading through my past in my mind and analyzing every tiny detail of the happenings, trying to search my soul for an answer which I could never find.

By the end of 1 week, I decided it was time to move on. I called my god sister one fine day and asked her out for a movie.

Chapter 3

It was our first encounter alone, just the 2 of us going out for a movie at orchard area. It was a Sunday before the school reopen. The feeling she gave me was nice, much like a little sister. Which I had so wanted badly when I was young, yet now, I felt I do not need anymore.

After the movie, we decided to shop around abit in the mall and we started to hug where ever we went to from the travellator on level 1 to the basement 2. After we finished window shopping, we walked down a quiet lane, along the way, we continued our friendship hug.

I felt a sense of reassurance that I felt good to be hugged. It was the friendship hug I had wanted. To be assured that everything is fine, I felt insecure and the hug was able to mask this feeling.

The following week in school, we were very close together that our classmates begain to wonder if I was into my 2nd relationship in just 3 months. Little did they know that she is my god sister - Joanne. I kept my gay status low profile, as I did not want anyone to know I was gay and worse, for them to start their tongues wagging and questions popping out from their head.

Despite that, back stabbing again took place. When I was feeling very down, she will always be there for me, to give me a hug. In school, we will go to the koi pond and hug during our lesson break.

It was the longest hug I had with anyone. Just as everything seemed so fine, suddenly rumours began to spread that I was interested in her. I got annoyed about it, with the girls backstabbing me left, right, front, back. My distance with her began to drift, yet we continued to act as normal as possible in school.

Everyday after school, I will meet her at the locker and accompany her to the bus stop. Weeks later, some classmates approached me. They sense something amiss, and asked me what was happening. They were really my good friends in class, and they never did believe those rumors they heard and I did not even blog my happenings with her on my blog either.

One day, Sue asks me what was happening between me and Joanne. I explained myself to her that we were just god brother and sisters. Her senses told her that it is either I led her to be very close to me just like boyfriend and girlfriend as she came from a all girls school or I was leading her to intimacy and self-destruction. As she seems to be over caring for me and friends are getting the wrong idea that she is my girlfriend.

After that incident, I decided to come clean with her that I only treat her as my god sister and there is nothing between us and we should not hug in school as it was to prevent any misunderstanding from occurring.

She understood what I said, however, I suddenly felt weird. Did I love her to have a very special bond with her? That puzzled me a lot.

Days later, I confess that I like her. She told me she needed time to think. During that 1 week long cooling off period, I spend my time by the swimming pool swimming and trying to sort my thoughts through.

Few days later, I got her answer, she decided to reject my love and we got back to normal as friends and god siblings relation. Things were much better after that, and the rumours stopped spreading. All came to a closure, yet, a scar has formed deep inside me - and I came to realize, my world was not the same anymore. I came out to myself that I was after all someone who had no feelings for girls at all. People may think that I am jerk afterall, yet, I have came to realize what I want in life – to be happy and be respectful of my sexuality – not live in denial.

Does true love actually exist in the real world? I guess, I will never be able to find out. After this ordeal, and coming out to myself about my feelings for myself, I hope that I will live a much happier life and just ignore anymore rumors that hinder my daily living.

My thoughts
I decided to write this story as a compensation of my previously abandoned 3 works. It reflects on 3 different themes, feelings of love, finding out one’s true identity and realizing the feelings of complication between friendship and love, and how it can sometimes cross the line to become love.

There are many definitions of love - intimacy, affection, friendship, kinship and the list goes on. I hope you have enjoyed this piece of story.

This story is a mix of real life events and imaginary thoughts. But, the characters have no direct relation to real life events, they are mostly imagination.

Written: May 11, 2005

The Letter :: May 10, 2005

2005-05-10T11:44:00.000+08:00

The Letter

All living beings whether dead or alive are in no relation to the characters in the story.

Chapter 1

In a sleepless night, my mind went a blank. Far into the deep darkness in my own well lit room, I began to write - a story that came etched into my mind. I wonder, why such sleepless nights do occur in me. It has been in me for nights now. Every night, I end up tossing and turning in bed or end up sleeping very late into the night. Why? Why does this have to occur to me?

All these feeling of lost, emptiness, seems like I am all but just an empty shell. As a19 year old living in a world full of love that doesn’t even exist at all. It can be very scary, to the point no return.

The night seemed cold, yet I couldn’t sleep. To make matters worse, I feel jealously deep down inside me. It is eating up my youth, my feelings, my moods, my everything. I feel as good as a lifeless shell. Everyday is like no other – all just a living hell. Everyone around me seems so foreign.

Every street that I pass by seemed empty and I feel so numb. My life feels so undriven. I was much livelier, much happier months ago. Ever since I got to know him, my world began to take a change. A very big change that turned me and my life upside down.

I felt completely lost in a world of the unknown. In just 2 years, since I stepped into the circle, everyone, everything around me seemed different. I hate this feeling altogether, I know I’m rambling on and on about how unfair the world is. Yet, I can’t help it, but simply whimper in my own sorrow. Crying like a child over spilled milk, life is never as easy as how your mother once taught you ABC. It is much, much more than these basics.

I have over the years got stronger and be able to cover up my inner most feelings from everyone. Including friends who cared for me. I lived in a world of my own, growing stronger with each fall.

Yet, never had I feel so strange, to be strongly attached to someone who I merely met for 2 times and only know for 1 month odd. And the fact that someone I know also loves the same person made me see red. Moreover, I chose to let go, to give up to let the person get him, and just stand by the side helping him with each step, while still feeling a sense of jealousy for nothing.

It all began with him asking me if I know who this friend of mine is. Back then, being such a naïve rabbit, I told him that he is my friend. A fellow school mate, already, feeling a sense of betrayal in myself. I felt that I was betraying myself, my own words, yet dismissing them. Why? Because I never really felt very close to him. Ever since the beginning, he has already told me his reasons for not wanting to date people my age. I took his words, I admire his wisdom, I love him for who he is, but never did I reveal my true feelings for him. I wasn’t sure of them myself, let alone to even consider a confession.

It never occurred to me, I will end up having such a strong affection for him. Yet, I chose to leave him, to give up, I just want him as a normal, maybe close friend. That way, I will be consoling myself that well, it’s just fated this way.

Chapter 2

On the other hand, I was helping my friend. Giving him advice when the need arises, yet making sure I do not hurt the ones I love and only provide what I need to, without giving away too much of what I know. I believe in protecting the privacy of others, yet whenever we talk about him, I’ll sense jealously within myself.

Am I ready to love him? My answer is a no. I fear losing him, I fear I could not commit, I feel inferior, I need to get over my previous failed relationship. I want to be single.

There’s just too many excuses I give myself to help me cover up myself, my thots, my moods from everyone. Yet, my friend is able to sense them. Even though the one I love is kept in the dark, there is no way I will ever want him to know my inner feelings. Even if he knows, I fear disaster, I fear we will end, become strangers, no longer friends.

I may look like someone who is not serious and someone who doesn’t care. Yet deep down inside my heart, I am weak, full of insecurity.

------------------------

One night, I decided to write this letter to him, though, I doubt he will get to see me once more.

“Hi love,

If you are reading this, I’m writing to bid farewell to you. I’ll be leaving this world for a faraway land. To a place of tranquility and peace. I thank you for all the love and care you have showered me through our 1 month long friendship.

I treasure you as a lover as well as a friend. Deep inside me, I have a strong feeling for you, yet I fear expressing them to you. I fear rejection, I fear that our love is forbidden, I fear I am not good for you. And lastly, despite my struggle, I have chosen to give up my pursue of love for you, and let the someone else who is deeply in love for you have the chance.

Here I shall sign off. Will always remember you. For I know how much you meant to me.

Sign off,
Secret Admirer”

With this letter written on a purplish paper, I folded the letter and wrote his address down. Mailed it out the following day morning. The following night, I attempted suicide, with popping of 50 sleeping pills. Not long after, I felt a flying sensation, I was gone with from this living world. I flew into the land I called paradise where there is no suffering.

Chapter 3

Upon receiving the letter a day after the death, the lover got a shocked of his life. The friend, also felt badly. They both felt he did the most silliest thing – to commit suicide for no apparent reason.

They felt sorry, yet do not know what to do. They could only chant their prayers for him and wish him a better next life.

Afterword:

I wrote this in less than 30minutes. Was suppose to be sleeping, yet I could not sleep. This story is ironical, and the fact that the secret admirer is stubborn to commit suicide makes it more like a tragedy. Despite being a shy and emotional person in cover, I wonder what the world is coming to. Just hope people don’t commit suicide over love, it doesn’t make much sense at all.

My feelings:

I wrote this out of my thots. I can’t sleep because of what I am feeling – a sense of loss, yet not showing it in real life, while helping friends solving their problems. And I am not ready to love anyone, even though I show feelings for the person. Do I regard him as my god bro, or am I really in love with him. I do not know, I don’t want to know either. I just want to lead a carefree and happy life.

Fate :: April 6, 2005

2005-04-06T11:49:00.000+08:00

Does fate really exist in this world? Sometimes, this appears in my mind… for moments, i would think…. And the thinking will continue for hours… since 2 months back, after the last time I saw him, my mind has been like whirlwind full of thoughts and flashbacks into the past.

The past where we would spend time together… hanging out on weekends, like close buddies, the confession I made to him… 2months before his departure and the time he took to reply to me… all this while, no answer was given, neither any clear indication.

The only thing I heard of is his unknown, and shock when I confessed to him that I liked him. He took it by surprise as it has never occurred to him that I will love him. However, deep inside me I know that whatever lies ahead of me, I will face then consequences like a true Gemini. Though, according to the horoscope, Gemini’s are known to be intellectual and indecisive twins. Yet, they belong to a world of both introvert and extrovert.

I wonder what is to come for the future that lies ahead of me. Deep in my thoughts, every night, I will think and ponder whether the wait for him is worth it or not. In the hallucinations at night, I will see him; feel him near me, even though he is far away from me – in Australia. He has gone there to further his studies. While I’m staying put here in Singapore to pursue my degree in Mass Communication. Time flies, we have not been in contact ever since he left me, out friendship has come to a sudden stop. On the day of his departure, I did not see him off, even though it was the day he was suppose to give me an answer. An answer that will decide our fate, on what we will become.

A few weeks before his departure, he started to turn on a cold shoulder on everyone, everyone that he was once close to. All his good friends and buddies were all given a cold shoulder by him. No one ever knows what has happened, whether he was deeply hurt or what ever. No one ever found out.

During this time, I tried very hard to contact him, but I couldn’t bring myself the courage to ask him what has happened. I fear he will shun away from me, I fear the worst… I fear losing him… as a friend.

Now that everything has come and gone, my worries have all but subsided, yet… I felt more uneasy as the time went by… for I had missed my chance to ask him… “What is your answer to the last puzzle?” The day has come and gone. Without any answer in view, I waited… and waited… will that day ever come? I doubt so… will I keep on waiting for him? I don’t know… I only know that… Fate shall decide…

My Thots:
This is more of a contemplative thought than to be a story… it’s more of my inner self thoughts about life and how I feel about them…

living room :: March 24, 2005

2005-03-24T11:51:00.000+08:00

Day and night, James wondered… when Jonathan will return to him… Jonathan left him… the next day after he slept on his thigh for the last time… in the living room of his apartment.

Disclaimer: Characters featured in this story are fictional and carries no relation to real life beings. All story and incidents are works of fiction.

Chapter 1: The living room

I stared out of the window, holding my favorite cat by my side at the window still. Gazing out across towards the open field, watching kids playing soccer in the evening sun. It was a fine scene, which I could observe every day. However, today was special; it marks the first anniversary Jonathan left me.

About a year ago, in the evening, I was over at his apartment, spending our last few hours together. He has been told by his manager that he will have to travel to Australia to work for five years, without much choice, he had to leave everything behind as it was a last minute decision and to fly alone with nothing, except for his credit card, passport and laptop. His daily necessities and housing has been pre-arranged for him by his company.

That evening, he told me about this breaking new, I thought it would mean we will never to together again. He assured me that he will be back, 1 year later, for us to meet at the same venue as well as to mark our 2nd anniversary together. Before he left, he had passed me his apartment key – and told me to maintain it while he was away. From then on, I became his housekeeper. He also left behind his favorite cat – Alice.

I took Alice home, the night he left. For the first few nights, Alice could not adapt to the new environment. She wanted to go home; she kept staring out of the door of my apartment, hoping to see him – as much as I miss him.

After a few sleepless nights, Alice finally realize that he will not be with us for a long while. And she began to explore the apartment and spend her time with me. I enjoyed her company as she reminds me of him. His playful side, how he values life as a whole. Every moment spend with him is something which money cannot buy. We live in our dreams, the lovely outings and nights we spend together, with each others company - especially weekends, where I will stay overnight at his place. To keep him companied, as well as to make up for the lost time from the hectic weekday we both have to endure.

Over the first few months, I felt I got used to living alone… with no one by my side every night except for Alice. We do exchange e-mails every week, and it was very exciting to be reading his e-mail messages and replying back. It slowly became routine, yet, the fun never dies down. However, few months later, our e-mails got lesser and lesser out of a sudden. We stopped e-mailing on another. He was getting more and busier with the developments over in Australia, being overly committed in his work, we drifted off literally. I took it lightly as it being a temporary. Even though I had the though of flying over to Perth to find him, yet I held myself back, telling myself, again and again that whatever he said, he will always execute.

The following half a year, I also started to get busier with a position shift in the corporate world. I rose from a normal staff to become an assistant editor for a Newsmagazine.

Chapter 2: Work Work Work…

Suddenly I woke up, Alice was licking my arms… suddenly, there was a knock at the door. I walked slowly towards it. Through the peep hole, I saw a very familiar figure. The sight of him made me want to give him a hug, a kiss and breakdown to tear. I miss him so badly, I felt that my heart has melted. We are now back together, I pray hard for it to be true.

I opened the door, put Alice down; gave him a long big hug, slammed the door closed and we started to kiss. It was a long and deep kiss we ever had. The last one being months ago, with tears already streaming down my eyes.

After being in the same position of hugging and non-stop kissing. I push him away, and looked into his eyes. I finally mumbled some words in front of him.

“How have you been Jonathan?” I asked.

“I guess I am fine. I finally am off work. I have been posted back to Singapore after 1 year of work overseas.” He replied with a smiley yet tired expression.

“Is that good? I mean, it has been a while since we last got together…” I said.

“Yea boy, finally, we are back together. You seem to have got fitter and tanner as well” he said.

“I thought I look more mature and old? I have been working on 50hour work week reviewing the articles by fellow journalists before I put them together for printing.” I said, still smiling.

“Oh! Really?? Guess I have been neglecting you for a while now… so sorry…” he said.

“What shall we do now? You want to go take a shower then we go our for dinner?” I asked.

“Sure, that would be a nice idea. Where shall we go for dinner?”

“How about having dinner at home?” I asked.

“Sure, the usual spaghetti. I miss your cooking” he said.

“okies, I have got the ingredients ready actually… gonna go prepare them now. Enjoy your long shower” I replied.

He went to take him shower, while I entered the kitchen to make his favorite pasta.

After shower, we sat down, to enjoy the hot pasta while having a toast of red wine and chatted till the wee hours while landing up in the living room while kissing and having hot bodies… soaked with sweat and a loving atmosphere. The nights seem young, yet, deep inside us, we are thankful for fate to bring us back together again. However, we hope that time didn’t move on that quickly afterall.

Afterword

A story inspired by a living room and a friends online blog on how he sat by the window with his cat. This was how I got the story pieced together, and well not to forget the feeling of sleeping by the lap.

Written: March 24, 2005

In the Closet :: March 15, 2005

2005-03-15T11:50:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, all events and characters are in no way related to real life incidents or beings.

Chris lived a life full of obstacles and turbulences…. One day… he found his mystery love and however… could this prove to be a fruitful one?

Chapter One: Identity

As I stood by the barrier facing the view of the open sea… my mind started to switch to flash back mode… this happens whenever I go visit my favorite places on this small island nation – Singapore.

For the past 18 years of my life… they have been slowly flushed down the drain with no seeds of love being scattered… even if there were any, they proved to be fruitless. Ample of rejections were insight. Since the beginning when I started to search for my identity. Something which I feel is part of me, yet still unknown to my self. That is, my true self.

Whenever, I get bored, I will spend my free time hanging out alone or with friends at the esplanade, or even to have coffee at my favorite coffee chain – Starbucks®. I enjoy their special brew of beverages compared to the others seen around the island.

I would usually go for Café Mocha, which has a rich blend of coffee with chocolate. It taste and feels nice. An all time favorite of mine.

As I found a place to settle down by the esplanade bay, I started sipping my takeaway Café Mocha. Slowly, I raised my legs close to me… on the bench facing the sea… with coffee just by my side… and started to day dream… letting my imaginations run into the land of the unpredictable.

It was a great hideaway for me – to an unfamiliar place where it is filled with happiness more than with sadness. A place filled with love, care and concern – Far away from the hustle and bustle of city life. Into the arms of the slow paced country side life, where everyone will take their time to deal with the everyday living.

I wish life was that way, however, I knew it will never be possible for me to do that. Especially now, since I am only a student, and my only worry will be to study. And study becomes my main and only priority. Moreover, with hard work come great grades. With those flying colors that dresses up your result slips, aren’t they wonderful?

As my thinking went deeper, time seemed to have turned back into the past. I could still remember the days when I was searching for my true identity – to know if I am really only interested in men more than in women. Firstly, it all began in primary school. Back then, I will get attracted to men in the changing room, I will just look at their physic and admire them discreetly. I won’t say anything more, but just to observe. As time went by, I start to realize that, it could be my self-esteem being low, thus causing this up stir in me observing everyone around me.

I came to realize that, I wanted something similar to them. To be slim, to be this to be that, to be everything they are. As I worked harder, I was able to be near my expectations. I tried to be normal by falling for girls, when I was in secondary school, moreover, it did not pay off, I keep getting rejected.

The first girl I feel in love for, she rejected me because she felt that I wasn’t her type of guy. She wanted a very sporty guy and moreover, her focus was on her studies. Thus, no matter what, relationships will be out and away from the table.

I accepted her decision, even though I wasn’t the one who approached her to question. My friend did me this favor. Till now, I still thank her for doing me this great favor and we remained as close as we could be as friends.

Chapter 2: Rejections

Following my love for her, I feel again… at least once every year throughout my 4 years of secondary school life. Every attempt became more and more unfruitful. I was either too slow to approach or gave up the idea completely. I was a total failure, I felt I had let down on myself. I felt that maybe, I shouldn’t be falling in love at all. Since my priority was to focus on my education. There were incidents where I was being approached by my juniors; however, all were being rejected.

I started to realize my identity, that I wasn’t straight. I was more attracted to members of the same sex. I had come to accept this fact only slowly, after my secondary 4.

I started meeting up with people from the net and had one night stands with them. Purely out of curiosity, it didn’t occur to me that, these will be the beginning of my journey to self discovery. Into the world of the unknown and danger seas.

Till now, I have to say that I am content with what I have… to have found the someone I like. To be with him for as long as we are meant to be. Even though, there is no eternity, there will always be past and the present. So long as we were to treasure the present and had treasure the past we should to able to say that we have live through this live with no regrets.

I met many guys, had sex with a few, the feeling was a complete different from person to person. Back then, what I seek wasn’t love, more of fun. As time went by, I realize I was depleting my person value. I felt cheap, cheap in a sense of selling myself willing to the please of others… as well as for others to please myself. I see it as something very low life, where all you do is oral and kiss, hug and suck… there is really no meaning to life. All this crap, full of nonsense… I hated this kind of life.

I stopped meeting guys for sex, after 1 year. I feel for one guy, he was the only I had feelings for, even though, I know he is a straight, and just did it to relax himself. I enjoyed doing it with him.

However, that was ages ago, long before I met Colin. Colin is 1 year older than me. We met through an online profile. We became close friends after meeting up with one another for a few times. The first impression he gave me, left me with deep effects of closeness and the feeling of security. I felt very secure when I hang out with him; away from the insecurity which I felt all this while. I felt the energy to stand up again, to face reality to tell everyone that I do not give a damn about what they will think of me.

Our friendship grew stronger by the day. We would try to meet up every weekend to go out together - be it for study or for dinner or for shopping. The weekend is always filled with fun, laughter and serious work being down. Especially, when it was near the exams; we needed the most of our attention to be on the books.

We shared almost the same likings for certain things. As time went by, we sensed a liking for one another. However, we never voiced it out to one another, all we did was just to drop hints along the way.

We were unsure if the other party will be able to take the shock – to find out that we like one another. And would like to take this friendship to greater heights.

Chapter 3: relationships

It was a rocky relationship… no matter how loving a couple is, there are bound to be obstacles along the way. I believe it is these falls that make us move closer together, and to not history repeat itself.

I’m feeling lost, since the day, we last met. It is once again the exam period, and it marks the 2nd anniversary of us being together. We last met 3days ago, he was briefly online, as he needed to check his mails.

The 3 days passed by real slowly, well, I did manage to pass through the 3 days with books by my side.

My flash back came to a halt, when someone patted on my shoulder.

“Hey, still day dreaming?” said Colin.

“Yea, I almost fell asleep waiting for you…” I replied.

“Sorry, I am late once again…” he said.

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t really bother me” came my reply, and I hugged him tightly like a long lost friend.

“Hey, are you trying to squeeze me into pulp? I can’t breathe” came his reply.

“Nope, I just miss you. And you hug you as long as time permits.” I replied.

“Alright, so where shall we got for dinner?” he asked.

“Shall we go Pasta mania? I crave pasta today.” I said.

“okay, we shall go there…” he replied.

We strolled all the way from esplanade towards Plaza Singapura for dinner.

It was an anniversary like no other, celebrated with simplicity, and makes it a perfectly new experience.

After word

I wrote this story, for personal amusement. It does shed some light on my view of homosexuality. The story line is very fictional and does portray how one looks into himself… as a homosexual… I feel that, this story will be one of my best one written about homosexuality. Months back, I had penned down a similar story, however, it got scraped as I lost touch with my elements.

Wrote this short piece in just one night, was really bored and thinking of someone.

Written: 15th March 2005

turning points : Dec 6, 2004

2004-12-06T11:56:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: All characters whether dead or alive has no relation to the story.

A piece of mystery that never comes to an end at every turn…

Chapter 1 – the thoughts

I came to know her back in July 2004. In the first days of entering a new school in a new class for a new course – Diploma in Nursing. She broke the ice when I first join the class. That was when I started to fall for her. Maybe you call this love at first sight. But deep within me, it is this feeling of trust in her that led me to like her. Though she looking plum and doesn’t seem appealing at all. As the days went by, I got to know her even better as we tend to hang out together with her friends in class.

Through this, we got to know one another even better. As the more I got to know her, I also got to know that her enemy, back in her secondary school was a Gemini too. And from her experience with her ex, I wasn’t a true Gemini in her opinion as true Gemini’s are more outgoing and tend to enjoy partying. For me, I am outgoing to a certain extend, and limits myself to certain things and events and am not always that outgoing and keeps a part of myself to myself at times.

The truth only came to light when someone in class probe me this question – who is the person you like? Is she in our class? As I was cornered into answering this question, firstly because it was inside my blog and secondly that since they asked I might as well tell her since I had no courage to speak up to her. I told them the truth in front of her. She was shocked and in disbelief. That I would fall for her – someone who is not pretty and above all not slim at all. She is a Chinese Indian. Her dad is an Indian and her mother is a Chinese. However, it didn’t occur to me that I would have fell for her in the first place and I did not bother with whatever her race was. So long as she speaks my native tongue and is able to communication with my parents… let’s not talk too much about these since it would have been out of point.

I consulted Amanda, on how I should go about wooing her since I was a novice and had not even dated anyone before. I did not succeed in wooing in the end. We turned for the worse – became enemies instead. On the day I passed her 2 bears, one get well soon bear and another alphabet bear, she accepted them at first, but ended up I threw them away as she couldn’t accept me in the end. The reason being I shouted at one of my classmate who made fun of my name. Why on earth would I have done such a foolish thing? Why? I asked myself, the reason being that I was heated up at that point in time and this classmate of ours just made be boil for the past few lessons making fun of my name. I ended up screaming at her outside the lecture theatre before out lecture for the day.

I guess she cried and i felt bad. Apologies to her, but it wasn’t accepted. That evening, someone returned me the toy, told me that she couldn’t accept it. It was all over. On the last day of our first term. Just even before the start of our 1 week holiday.

That night she told me that she couldn’t accept the toy because I shouted at a classmates. I explained myself and ask for forgiveness and didn’t have anymore to tell her since there wasn’t much for me to say to her.

Chapter 2 – the flashbacks

A few days before I officially made it known to her, my classmates have already started to ask me why I had fallen for her. My answer to them was because I like her. But I gave up on the day I made my love be known to her. Why? Because the night before, I came to know that she has someone else which she liked. That news was broke to me indirectly when someone close to her asked her something related to who she liked.

Well, even before I broke the news to her that I liked her, she has begun to avoid me and even worse started to back stab me. I did not come to know the reason why, however, there was once in the lift I saw her talking about something in front of my classmates about me. It was something nasty – not nice to the hearing of the ears. When she saw me inside the same lift, with a faceless expression, she was stunned. Thereafter she kept her mouth shut. Until the moment news broke that I liked her – it was broken in front of her in the library. And she immediately walked out of the library and her friends followed suit for fear that she will do something bad to herself. For one thing, she had indirectly hurt me and I must say I am sometimes slow in response to such. That should explain the reason as to why she had such a huge response.

Anyways those were in the past now as I am typing this story out from the word processor on a rainy day. Will the sun ever come out to shine before me with a new chapter in my life? I’ll just have to wait and see. It’s been quite sometimes since that incident has passed by. We are no longer enemies, just normal classmates.

Thoughts

This story should have been written quite sometime ago, however, due to my tight schedule had to re-schedule all my stories to the holiday period to complete them. Thus, explains this slight delay in these being completed. And you would also have noticed that every turn marks something new happening.

Written: December 6th, 2004

Theraphy Touch :: October 2004

2004-10-10T12:55:00.000+08:00

As this is an assignmnet, there has been some referencing done on the story.

Introduction

This story tells of how Jasen, a new graduate of NYP began his work with Garden General Hospital. It was also the institution where he did his clinical posting during his 3 years in the school of Health Sciences. He applies what he has learnt during his school years to touch lives of the patients in need. And this has won him the institution’s most outstanding employee of the year award, for being one of the best care givers chosen from a pool of outstanding staffs in the institution. This is the story of how one of the patient was so touched by his care and concern.

Body

One morning as I walked into the ward, I noticed my client crying. I approached him and ask “Why are you crying, Mr Ong?” “I got no money to pay for my hospital bills. It is getting higher the more days I were to stay here in the hospital.” he said with tears streaming down his already frail and old cheeks.

I decided to sit by the chair next to him. “According to Benner, the “ability to provide presence, to be with another person in a way that acknowledges one’s shared humanity, is at the care of nursing as a practice” (Potter & Perry, p.107).” “Simons says that “when a nurse establishes presence, eye contact, body language, voice tone, listening, and having a positive and encouraging attitude” (Potter & Perry. p107) are important.” I maintained eye contact with him and calmed him down.

I told him not to worry so much as there will always be an end to all problems. Which I felt was very true, with my personal life experiences. For Mr. Ong, I talked to him for the next thirty minutes in a bid to find out more about his current financial status so as to think of what would be the relevant Nursing Care I could provide.

After our long chat session, I realized that he is the sole-bread winner of his household and has just been retrenched during the recent economic crisis. The company which he had worked for 15 over years had decided to merge with a bigger corporation in order to stay competitive, thus he was laid off as part of the restructuring plan.

As I heard his story about his struggle, I quickly analyze what would be the possible solutions to his problem. He was only been admitted to the ward for two days due to back pain. To add to his woes, the teams of doctors are still trying to work out a diagnosis from the lab reports. He was also given painkillers to help him ease the pain, while the medical investigation continues.

From our conversation, I understand that he has two children aged ten and twelve, a wife who stays home to take care of the children. She also works as a seamstress who does alteration at a nearby fabric store, near where they stay, to help support the family.

He does job search in the day, while dispatching newspapers in the wee-hours of the day while most of us are asleep. This is to allow him to earn some income as the compensation by his company won’t last long due to his family’s current condition – especially since he has been hospitalized.

After gathering these essential information, I went to the nursing counter, took the phone directory and search for the Medical Social Welfare (MSW) department. “Effective communicators realize that the goal is to share information, and that this information sharing is typically a two-way street. (Ambler, 2004)” On the phone, I told the officer my client’s – Mr. Ong, condition and asked them if there is a way we could help Mr. Ong in getting any social grants. Since, he is staying in a C Class ward and his children are young and his wife is doing odd jobs to support the family. I could feel the pain he is suffering, though it is not happening to me. Moreover, the stress is too much for a patient to handle with the pain that come his way and the loss of a job.

Moments later, I received a call from Judy, a MSW staff. “Hi Jasen, this is Judy, from MSW, speaking. I understand that you have a client – Mr. Ong, who was admitted two days ago and his diagnosis has yet been confirmed. And he needs some financial assistance for his hospitalization.”

“Yes, that’s right. Alright, could you tell me what the best plan is for Mr. Ong?”

“Ok, we have checked with his previous employer and noted that he was retrenched and they are willing to pay for his medical expenses as he has been a hard working staff. And never took any medical leave, throughout his entire employment years during his stay with the company.”

“I see, so are they keen on re-employing him? Or are they just going to pay his medical expenses as a parting gift?” I asked.

“Hmm, they have decided to re-employ him, however, he will have to take a pay cut of 50%. And his position will still remain the same. Oh, Jasen, I’ll be making a trip over to speak to the client about this.”

A few hours later, Judy came into the ward with all smiles, as she walked towards me. “Hi Jasen, are you ready to bring me to Mr. Ong?”

“Yes, sure. I hope that he’ll be delighted to be re-employed, and hopefully no pain-killers for him.”

We chatted as we moved towards Bed 18 where poor Mr. Ong lay there with a sad looking expression. As he saw us walking towards him with smiles on our faces, his moods brighten up a little. “Smiling is a powerful cue that transmits Happiness, Friendliness, Warmth, Liking & Affiliation. Thus, if you smile frequently you will be perceived as more likable, friendly, warm and approachable. (Ritts & Stein. 2004)”

“Mr. Ong, this is Judy here.” I said. “She will be here to explain to you what we have arranged for you, which we hope you will also like.”

“Ok. I hope you guys have come out with a plan to solve my financial problem which will also reduce my agonizing pain.”

With some confidence, Judy sat down and presented what she has told me earlier on the phone to Mr. Ong. In the beginning, Mr. Ong wasn’t that happy to be re-employed by his old company which had retrenched him. However, the though of a somewhat secure job, made him change his mind and he agreed to return to work after his discharge. Even though it would have meant a 50% cut from his previous pay packet. It still sounded good to him.

Miraculously, his back pain subsided a little. Days later, he was discharged from his back injury due to his bad posture, while delivering newspapers as we later found out to be the cause of his agonizing pain. Before he left the ward on the day of his discharge, he thanked me for what I have done, and told me to send his regards to Judy as well.

Conclusion

From this episode, we can understand that having a therapeutic touch in communication with our client, helps in opening up their narrow world and brings us closer to them in knowing their problems. Having known their problems, it would be easier for us to zoom in and tackle the problem straight away. That also helps us in gaining their trust and being efficient in solving their problems, thus building up patient-nurse confidence.

End Reference

Benner, 1989, Providing Presence in Patricia A. Potter, Anne Griffin Perry, Fundamentals of Nursing (5 th ed.), 2001, p107, Mosby, St. Louis Missouri.

Simons, 1987, Providing Presence in Patricia A. Potter, Anne Griffin Perry, Fundamentals of Nursing (5 th ed.), 2001, p107, Mosby, St. Louis Missouri.

Ambler, Scott W, 2004, Communication : The official Agile Modeling.

Ritts Vicki, ( St. Louis Community College at Florissant Valley), Stein, James R. (Southern Illinois University, Edwardsville) 2004, Reprinted by permission, in Six ways to improve Nonverbal communication.

memory lane :: July 15 - 21, 2004

2004-07-15T11:51:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: All characters whether dead or alive has no relation to the story.

To all whom I know at Bishan institute.

6.00am

Today’s my last time waking up so early in the morning to travel to Bishan for my education at the post-secondary level.

I will be making a trip down to a tertiary institute to do my enrolment. Though I feel a sense of lost at thoughts, what can I do? I can’t possibly turn this offer down, can I? It wouldn’t be a wise choice to do that since gaining a chance to study in a tertiary institution is not easy especially since you have got only the minimum requirements. I felt that chances are hard to come by and once missed, they are gone forever.

Just as I reach the station platform, the train arrived just in time for me to join in the morning birds heading for school and work. It is the first day of the week – as many would call it the ‘Monday blues’, where everyone would be lazy – most of us, would prefer to stay home for an extended holiday of some sort.

Having managed to get into the packed train, I quickly found a spot to settle myself down comfortably. With that, my mind took a complete spin off into sub-conscious mode.

My past came into view, from the days I was an infant to the day I started to grow and gain understanding… till the day I am growing up to become what I am today – on my way to adulthood.

How I really wish I can use a time turner to go back in time to perform what I really want to do. However, that was not to be, we don’t live in the times of the magical world created by J.K. Rowling. Neither do we live in the world of Agatha Christie, where she had disappeared just like one of her characters in a story.

These days, we live in an ever changing world where everyone and everything changes. Nothing remains in this world. We will die someday, somehow. It would be good to cherish what we have and live every minute of our lives in this world to the fullest. No one knows when and where they will die. Nor do we know when there will be anyone there to see us off when we visit never land.

Though we are born into this world with nothing, we should also leave this world with no worries. There will always be worries, they just pile up over time for you to resolve them with or without any help.

As these thoughts went by, my mind started to churn out weirder thoughts. The thought of living this world with no worries, about saving lives of those unfortunate, as well as those whom you love.

I can still recall about a year ago, I got my ‘O’ levels result and was eligible for most of the courses offered by the various institutions in Singapore. When I was making my choices, my life took a turn. I had really no idea as to what course I had exactly wanted to study.

Then slowly, came the thought of taking up Nursing. My cousin is a Nurse, and given my background knowledge and passion to save people, it wouldn’t be a problem to take up Nursing.

However, when I had went for the Open House of the institution offering the course. I took a deeper consideration about taking the plunge which could be deadly in the event that I am not prepared to do my best.

I had my worries and fears about not making the mark in achieving my goals. Given since young I had setbacks in my performance, which led me to be a little fickle minded in understanding what I wanted in life.

Moreover, after months of learning in school, I started to see setbacks. It wasn’t easy at first to come to terms with myself that this is what I really want – to work in an IT Firm in the near future – when the IT industry is taking a slow move, which could turn to a complete stop. I endured on for the next few months, did above average for my term test, and, flung my written exams. I passed by supp papers, except Math. Enjoyed my holidays and here I am, finally noticing that my future is in bleak darkness, decided to take the road not taken at the previous turn by turning back on this path.

To take a turn back on the path was not easy. With the strong turbulences and going against all odds made it all the more a difficult task to deal. Without much success, I was not able to return back to safety. My application was being rejected more than once – thrice to be exact. My mind began to awoke from the pitch darkness realizing that what has been done is undone able.

Having given up, I decided to apply for a place in a post secondary institute. To the same course – Nursing. My application was as a late applicant, it wasn’t easy to get in either.

Many calls were made to get to the relevant officials and etc to speak to them and I got a place at the end. Went there for the interview in my day’s best after I got the call that I have been admitted days after. The rest were history, there after I got into the institution and made many new friends with my new-found classmates.

I was studying in that school for two days - just two days and hell broke loose thereafter. I received a call after class from the institution. They had decided to give me a place there. Was it a good sign? I wondered, after all time will tell before long. I went down to collect the enrolment package and was delighted to know that I have been offered a place and all I had to do was pay the school fees as well as pass the medical exam.

Just as I woke, I realized I have reached City Hall station. Time to alight and transfer to the North bound train. I hope that life will be better with a change in environment and I won’t fail my exams again!

Written: July 15th, 2004 – July 21st, 2004

thousand miles : March 5, 2004

2004-03-05T11:56:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: All characters featured in this story are fictional and have no inclination to real life characters or events.

Chapter 1 – Life…

School, work, sleep. Why? All the fuss? Exams, assignments and friends? Do I need them? Well, the answer is I do not know. I live in a world of fast changing mode. Everything here requires one to work fast and on his feet. How I wish that would not be the case. That life is much more relaxing and nothing to fuss about. I am on a train heading for the city. My mind is full of unopened doors. I don’t know what I want in life.

Can I skip school? Get a couple of thousand from my parents and go on a holiday never to come back again. How I wish for that. Settle down in an unknown land and start afresh. Life is not this way either. So how is life for me at present? I live in an apartment, with my parents, grandmother and a younger brother.

Life is easy going for me, school on weekdays and work on weekends. For my mother, she goes out and works as a seamstress everyday. My father works for a mobile firm, while my younger brother goes to school and tuition classes almost everyday. The only person who has a much way easier life than I do is my grandmother. She does not have to work, she just stays home most of the time watching tv, eat, sleep. During the day, she is seldom spotted at home. So no ones at home then.

Thinking my life is easy going, yes it really is. School for me is slacking time. I don’t work hard. Everyday I will be at home playing games, otherwise out shopping. Doing nothing at all at times, skipping classes is a norm for me. If I ever get spotted in school, it will be a mere 2 to 4 hours of lessons.

As I no longer enjoy life in school, I tend to avoid going to school. It is no doubt hindering my learning, however I study at home. My most enjoyable lessons will be when I attend lab sessions. Other than that, I will be slacking at home. Only at night, will I be at my desk working.

Chapter 2 – My Friend

I often feel left out in class, there is this student I know who would always be shouting out answers for every question the teacher asks. I feel very sickened by his attitude. That has caused me to hate school even more. I really wonder how the teachers felt when such events happened. It just does not seem right that such events should occur. I was jealous, very jealous of him knowing the answers and being over enthusiastic at it. How I wish I can tolerate his behavior and challenge him. However, I feel inferior over him, He is too proud from his looks and felt that I should keep myself low while showing my true self only at a later stage.

On weekends, I work at a home interiors store that sells home furnishings, fabrics and craft materials. I know of a friend there, she is older than me by quite a few years. I know her when I joined the store as a part-time staff two years back. I came to know her only after I insulted her once. Thereafter, we became friends over time. We were not very good friends. However, as time went by, I came to know her better. She is a sporting person who frequents the gym at least three times a week.

As school started a year ago for me, I only work on weekends and seldom get to see her. This chance was very slim; at most it would be once a fortnight or never. Though I miss her, I also slowly developed a love for her. More recently, I had this idea of telling her I love her. I could feel the same effect of my past hitting hard on my shoulders.

I had once also developed a love for my older cousin. I could remember saying to myself, when I was in primary school that one day I will marry my cousin. As time gone by, this thought slowly diminished. This thought surfaced once more four years ago when she started dating her first boyfriend. Now she is into her third boyfriend. Whenever, I see them together I will feel very uneasy. Somehow, this feeling surfaces every now and then. Now it is somehow under control and is slowly dissolving.

Every alternate weekend, when I see her, I will ask her out for lunch together. As time went by, this feeling of love grew stronger and stronger. How I wish she is my age and I can date her. However, this thought of dating her has never crossed the line. At least it is under wraps, not revealed at all. And I hope it will not be revealed for good. I foresee bad omens if it ever comes to light.

Will I ever confess, I doubt. Will I live a happy life and get out of my nightmares, I know it neither. What are my choices, is a mystery of its own. Whatever that beholds this door’s key will get unlocked, someday somehow someway…

Just then, I heard the train announcement system announce “City Hall”. It is time for me to alight. I stood up from my seat and head for the exit to the platform.

I move up the escalator while my thoughts sink back into my brain cells to be forgotten.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a thought, feeling low and slacking, I wrote this short story out of wacky ideas with funny feelings about myself falling in love… Definitely an illusion.

Written: 5 Mar 2004
Area: Fast Food Joint at Wisma Atria, Orchard Road, Singapore.

the roaming world :: Jan 17 - Feb 18, 2004

2004-02-18T11:55:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: All character whether dead or alive is in no relation to the story.

Foreword

This is a story about a guy who fell in love with someone so near yet so far… In a hospital ward… after he was warded suffering from an injury during his daily sports…

Chapter 1 – The Accident

The accident has caused a big impact on my life… Ever since the day I stepped into the hospital ward as a patient, my life has gotten a drastic change. I came to know this young woman by the name of Joan. She is a student pursuing a Diploma in Nursing at Nanyang Polytechnic.

She is a Student Nurse doing clinical practice in the Ward I was staying. I came to know her when she administered my admission in the ward. I was happy to know such a nice nurse about my age. We were both 18 years old, as recall. We were coincidentally in the same school. However, we do not get to meet at all. I am not like my fellow guy friends who love to go around babe watching over at the Health Science School. As always, I would be sitting alone during lunchtime in the food court having lunch by myself. However, I love the idea of being alone… It helps me in thinking up good project ideas.

That was before I came to know her. Ever day, after school I would go straight home. I live in the east and would require a lot of time to be spend on traveling. During these hours, they would be spent on thinking up ideas or working on my cross-stitch pieces, while listening to the CD player. I would often invite stares from commuters who were stunned to see a guy actually doing cross stitch… However, that stare would not last long. Just a few minutes and it would be back to normal. It was a way for me to train my concentration and my patience in working on something relatively slowly since I am not that apt in doing cross-stitches.

Once I reach home, I will put down my bag; change into my running or swimming gear and get set for my sports activities, alternating between running and swimming. Cycling would go well only when I have the mood to cycle around the neighborhood.

After I am done with my sports I will be back home for dinner and then its time for revision. I would usually take about 2hours everyday for revision and preparation for tutorial classes.

I seldom skip lessons, as I doubt the need to do so since I am really leaving very far from school.

In late January while I was doing my weekly jogging, I suddenly slid and fell. Pain was hitting down hard on my lower left leg… What am I to do? I asked myself, as I could not even get up with that biting pain… At that time, there were not many joggers around. I tried after several attempts to be myself up with the use of a wooden branch I found which perhaps could support my weight. I limped all the way with some blood, bruise on both leg, and walked myself home.

Upon reaching home, I cleansed and bandaged my wound – I was a first aider back in secondary school, before seeking further medical help as I was just too tired to do so. Being complacent ended me in the hospital hours later; after I ate my dinner then I slowly stroll with the help of my mother to the nearby clinic to have a check up done by the doctor.

The doctor did some examination and I got a scolding by him for moving too much and not knowing that I have a little fracture on my left lower bone. It was not bad, just a small little crack that has caused quite a lot of pain. He got me admitted into the hospital immediately.

Chapter 2 – Love on Valentines?

I was warded on 7 February, the day I injured myself during my daily sports routine.

As I lie on the bed of the ward, I could not sleep. I miss my computer and my cross-stitches. I wish I had them with me now so that I can continue with it as a way to defocus from my lower leg that is giving me all the pain and bad feeling.

I was feeling regretful also from not getting a good warm up before I began jogging… I did not stretch my legs well. While jogging, my eyes were not fully focused while jogging as I was looking around for birds and maybe joggers like me.

Ha, after jogging into the fifth round around the 500m long track, before I fell. Thought it was not serious and it ended up the other way round. How bad can a day be? I asked myself. Think I should just try to recuperate back to normal while I spend sometime in the hospital thinking about what I need to do when I return to school. There will surely be lots of reading up to be done.

With that in mind, I decided to get my brother to bring all my notes to the hospital ward so that I could do my revision while recuperating, the following day. However, I could only use my afternoons to do revision since then morning is chaotic to me. I can see doctors and nurses busy moving from place to place surveying the patients and assisting them in getting better.

My appetite got better as I progressed each day, and soon a week was gone. It is nearing Valentines Day. How I wish I could find a girl I like. As, I was thinking about how to celebrate my valentines if I were to be staying in the hospital or at home. Then, after a few winks of the brain, I saw a young nurse – I suppose a student nurse, coming by. I came to realize it was time for medication. I took the tablets from her and smiled at her. She smiled back sweetly. Then, I was at point-blank – what has struck me? Oh no, could it not be that this nurse is the same nurse who administered me for my admission that evening? Seems like it, then I blurted out “thank you!”.

As she moves on to help other patients with the medicine dosages, I decided to probe myself into observing her even more. She spawns shoulder length straight hair, nice tint, has a very nice slim shape and a nice personality with average looks and tan. She seems to be like the kind of girl I like.

From that day I started spotting her presence, I got the feeling that I have started to fall in love in a white angel! Whoa, a white angel – I began calling her Jo-Jo. Her name is Joan Huang, a nice girl. When she is assisting me, I will have to chance to chat with her for a while and there she has to go back to her duties. And when she is working the morning shift, she will usually go over to my bed side to talk to me. From the way she treats the patients, I can sense her keenness in helping those people in need. I really love her for her personality more than anything else does.

As Valentines Day drew nearer, I decided to take up the courage to get her some roses. On the second last day to Valentines Day, I sneaked down to the floral shop at the lobby area to place an order for nine blue roses – her favorite color is blue. I was lucky not to get caught.

The day after, I was finally given the green light to move around. However, I could not be discharged, still need to stay in the ward for another week. On that day when I spotted her, I called her over to my bed and ask if she could spare me some time the following day. She surprised me with a yes. This means she is going to be on duty and that she is not attached.

Armed with a sense of accomplishment, I could not bring myself to sleep that night. The following day came; we met after her work in the ward. Decided to bring her down to the Japanese Koi pond area within the wards building. We sat by the pond with my bouquet of nine roses by the pond side. She was holding to them the moment I gave them to her when I saw her that morning. It is now in the afternoon. We talked and laugh about things that happen to us over our past 18 years. At a certain point in our conversation, I asked her:”Hey Jo! I have a crush on you, since the day we met. Hope that you love the blue roses too!”

“Uh …“blushed, she stopped with her jaws left open as she ran through her mind to think of constructive sentences to say. However, it was a love at first sight, I observed her for a long period before making the first move.

After about five minutes, she replied “Hey Jasen, erm, ok, shall we make this our first date? Since we are beginners and we kind of click why not just give it a go at the relationship?”

Feeling a little shocked by her calm replies, I thought for a while too. “Alright, it’s a good idea. I doubt there are many couples who will have first dates in the hospital”. As I said that, both of us started to laugh.

At the pond, we chatted non stop for about an hour before I feel that I may have to go back to the ward before Sister1 Carlen starts looking for me. She is a very nice and gentle Nurse; think she is quite old too.

She brought me back to the ward, and there I saw Sister sitting there at the cubicle talking with one of the patients. As we step in, she looked up and saw us holding hands. The look on her face was not pleasant. Well, what could we do? Nothing, we just did what we had to do a hug and a kiss. Then I bid her good bye before she left.

Sister came over to me and asked me what I was up to with her girls. I just told her the truth about liking her and what are my plans after I go back to school. Was deciding on spending more time with her so am considering nursing too. However, what inspired me to go into this once hated by myself course was that I like the way the nurses care for patients and it was something I came to liked during my stay. I had also done a soul searching before I came to a final decision about making this great leap.

Upon returning to a week later, we continue meeting one another in school for lunch. We stayed near one another – just a few train stations away in the east. Every day, we get to see one another home too. Upon knowing that I also do cross-stitches, she dared me to do cross-stitches during our long hour breaks. We also spend hours on it every Sunday and sometimes instead of doing cross – stitch we will go for sports like swimming and cycling. On Saturdays, we will hang out at her home doing revision. Her parents did not notice anything not right. They were usually out on Saturdays on cruise while she chose to stay home to do her revision. Therefore, I had the honor of keeping her by my side.

As the term test neared, on weekends, we will be at my place as I asked her to stay overnight at my place so that we could study until late at night. While doing that, I secretly went to ask the school for a transfer of diploma. I was told to submit an application form, which the application will be processed after the semester exams.

Therefore, with that done I was all set to study doubly hard and try to score distinctions too. Our time together did not shorten; we were even closer during the exam period. Though we had took different diplomas, we stuck together and I stayed overnight at her place during the exam period for keeping her accompanied. I kept the idea tight lip sealed from her. It was hard to keep it tight sealed as keep secrets has always not been easy for me – especially personal secrets... those decision types.

When the term test was over, we took sometime off to spend together for fun and games. We went to Sentosa for 2days overnight stay at a chalet. The expenses were bore by her parents as a way to encourage her in her studies.

After the one-week long break, we were back in school. The war to the end of the semester began; it was a tough fight for me having many assignments. She on the other hand had lots of clinical practice coming up during the long holidays, however before that; they have many personal assignments to complete. Therefore, we decided the only time too really sit down to chat would only be during the weekends.

We ended up using the weekends for chatting instead of revision – with daily revision and assignments to keep us busy there is no other reason to say that we are not to do other things apart from studies.

Chapter 3 – New Life

Everything was going fine right up to the semester exams. During the exam week, we did not have time to meet or even camp at one another’s home. We were too busy to do so.

With that, we got through our semester exam. After the exams, the results were released 3 weeks later. Both of us scored distinctions and we were very happy. We celebrated the occasion with dinner at Snoopy Place in Plaza Singapura.

With her vacation hospital attachment, I kept myself busy with training and picking her up after work to go shopping and dinner. This went on for 2 months, one month for her attachment, the other we did sports together.

Finally, a week before the new semester is about to begin… I received the letter of enrolment. I showed her the letter. She was shocked at first. However, she decided to scold me for keeping her in the dark. However, she was in joy that I wanted to join nursing. Moreover, she was keen on knowing what had got me so interested in this course? I gave her the same reasons I have told Sister before. She understood what I said and I gave my apology for keeping her in the dark. While telling her, I wanted to give her a surprise as a birthday gift.

With just one more week to go before the commencement of school, we decided to use this time to better prepare ourselves with our knowledge of what is to come in the new semester. So she suggested that she will tutor me on what she was taught in the previous semester. While I will teach her some IT skills just in case she may need them for her projects.

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School reopened, in July. We were back in school. This time I started as a Year 1 Nursing student while she is a Year 2 Nursing student. We got closer together and were like magnets. However we know our limits, and never gone too far off.

Life was a brisk, with time spend on revision and sports everyday. We were literally living together – I would usually camp over night at her place like before.

We will do our revision together and during my vacation hospital attachment, I got to work together with her throughout my year 1 attachment during the vacation. However, as we were both devoted to rendering care to the patients, we seldom talk during attachment hours.

We enjoyed one another’s company and had a great time. Life was not lasting though…

Chapter 4 – Reflection

At the end of her Year 2 and my Year1, she told me a sad piece of news. Her parents have decided that they would like her to go aboard to continue her studies half way off from her current diploma. They felt that a foreign environment will aid her in completing her degree faster. And less stressful for her. She had no choice but to agree to their plans. In addition, she decided that we should maybe just keep in touch. Our love may have been long – about 1 and a half years, was a very meaningful one to both of us. It has left a deep impact on us, until then it was the last time I met her. I have decided not to contact her after that. I told her that maybe we could just end our relationship here, she will continue with her studies there while I complete mine here.

To help in not breaking our hearts further, I made a painful decision not to send her off. When my parents asked me why Joan is no longer coming over to our house on alternate weekends, I broke the news that we are no longer together. She has left for Australia and that I have no regrets knowing her at all. I love her deep in my heart, but was willing to let her go. I believe that we have gone thus far and if we are fated to meet, again we shall and will.

Life continued as usual during my 2-month long vacation – with 1 month of attachment and my constant training in sports.

1-month later…

Do I miss her? I asked myself while I was jogging along the same path that I fell down 2 over years ago… Though I used to frequent the tracks, I hardly bother with my memories. My steps slowed down…

Jogged on for a bit more and decided to rest against a rain tree nearby. There I began to really have flash backs of my past, from the day I know her to the day she left me. I have many fond memories I treasured during the times we were together. They were unforgettable. As I have been holding on to her and treating her nice, I feel that letting go was as easy as ever… having been loved and given the loved, it is always nice to let it go when it has to go…

I closed my eyes and began to sink in deeper into my thoughts. Suddenly, I can feel someone patting on my shoulders. “Who was that?” I asked.

“who else?” came this familiar voice. As I looked up, I saw her… What was she doing here, I asked myself… Am I dreaming or am I seeing her standing in front of me in real life?

Things were unclear… Suddenly I fainted…

Thoughts

Hey!

Thanks for your interest in reading this slightly lengthy story, spanning six chapters, about 8 pages long, one of my longest I think. Hopes it is not too crappy, love this story very much as I wrote it. Along the way, I have to try to think of the plots, relevance and the events taking place with the time settings. It is not always easy writing stories; it is the fun that counts. To those out there who would like to do story writing, read novels. Get inspirations and start writing your own world.

That is about all I would say, hope that you enjoy... Till the next story!

Jasen
Written: 17 Jan 04 – 18 Feb 04

_________________________
1 Sister – Staff nurse of the ward.

School daze :: Nov/Dec 2003

2003-12-10T11:52:00.000+08:00

This is a story about Paul; a first year student passes through his first semester in a polytechnic. With new faces to meet from different environments. Having to adapt to a new-found independence in a new environment with classmates, he made, and the adventures that lies ahead. Through this, Paul finally found his identity and the values of being a responsible teenager maturing to become an adult.

Disclaimer: All character whether dead or alive is in no relation to the story.

Chapter 1: Beginning of School

“Hey Paul! How are you? It’s been sometime since we have gone out together.” Came the voice from Vincent. A close friend of Paul who is about the same height as Paul but slightly skinny.

“Erm, Vincent… I’m busy with some girl I just got to know from school.” Came the reply from Paul.

“huh… What? You are dating a girl… Are you crazy? You have just started schooling and you are dating a girl right now. You ought to be kidding.” Vincent replied surprising.

“No, I don’t think I sound as if I am telling a joke. Neither do I look like a clown in anyway…”

“Alight, you win. I wish you all the best in coping with your newfound girlfriend and studies. Hey meet you after school at about one in the afternoon”

After saying that, Vincent quickly hurried off to the next lesson at the lecture theatre a few levels down. While, Paul is having a break at the school cafeteria with his girlfriend by the side. Both Vincent and Paul are taking the same diploma course but they will be studying different topics for the current semester.

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After school that day, Paul met up with Vincent and they both went for a cup of coffee over at the schools food court. They chatted about how they had spent the six month long holidays since have not been contacting one another during that long period.

During the past 6 months, Paul has been busy with working in the sales line while VIncent is having a good time traveling and working on freelance web designing. He traveled to Perth in Australia, and got the chance to see a kangaroo in the wild. In addition, he spotted the Koala Bear and had hands on experience of feeding the sheep during a farm visit.

Time passed by very quickly, Paul started to date Samantha. Both of them are in the same institution, but pursuing different courses. She took up the Diploma in Intelligence Building.

They came to know each other through an online chat channel about a month ago. It was not love at first sight. They had endless chat about their life goals and how they wish to go about achieving them. They seem to have very similar ambitions. Both wanted to excel in the fields, which they are pursuing now. Samantha is slightly shorter than Paul is, but she is slim and medium build. Both also share the same pastimes – swimming, cycling, jogging and sleeping. They share the same birth date too.

When they met up for the first time, Peter did not really have a good impression on her, she was late by 10minutes. She apologized and gave him a reason that was acceptable. She had a cheerful look, and is easy going. As they began to hang out more often together, a bond started to form between them. There was some chemistry between them that started to form. They went did almost every sport together, and shared the many fun moments all the way until the time when school began in July.

Chapter 2: Friends or Foe

“So how did you get to know this girl I saw earlier on?” asked Vincent.

“Met her from a chat channel, a month ago,” said Paul.

“She looks pretty, looks very suitable for you. But don’t neglect your studies.” Vincent warned.

“Hey cool down, I know you care for me. We do not hang out that often these days except for doing the sports we both enjoy. Whenever we hang out, we pay for our own expenses. Isn’t that something interesting?” said Paul.

“Uh, sounds weird. How come you are not paying for her expenses?” said Vincent surprisingly.

“Oh, we have decided to provide for ourselves. That way it will not hurt any of us. We are both working. So we can afford to live on our own.” Paul replied.

“I see. Looks like you are good at coming out with weird ideas. So why is that necklace with a ring on your neck? An engagement or love symbol?”

“That is a ring I wear on myself since the day we started dating. It symbolizes love in the hart. Both of us wear it in our hearts.”

“You are really a weirdo. Love to do such funny things. Alight you win. So how is your first day in school?”

“Pretty good, why you ask?”

“Oh its nothing, just curious to know how you are coping…”

As the conversation got on and on, time went by quickly. Before they realize it, it is four in the afternoon. They departed from the cafeteria, still involved in their discussion about a class gathering coming up in December.

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Once back home, Paul went straight to his desktop and started working on his latest assignment while chatting with Samantha and some of his classmates online.

As the days went by, his classmates elected Paul as the class representative. For his ability to lead the class and his ability to bring everyone in his class together. However, this bit of effort of bringing everyone in the class together did not last long.

Soon, everyone started to get into different social groups in the class. There began to form two social groups – guys group and a girls group. They hang out at different places during the break time. Both groups seldom meet except during lesson. Everyone was getting well with one another. Teamwork started to play the role of getting everyone to work together. During one of the tutorial in the first week of school, everyone was group into groups of five. Every group was assigned a task, which has to be presented at the end of the semester.

Paul was grouped together with Evelyn, Eileen, Shane and Terri. The group members in his team appointed him as the group leader unanimously. Once everyone has settled down into his or her assigned groups, they were handed the assignment and began to brainstorm and discuss what is to be done for the assignment.

Chapter 3: Good friends

As the days went by, everyone in the class also began to know one another better. The girls and guys also started to get out of the box to interact with one another. The class is slowly coming together to become one group. Everyday there would be laughter and smiles except on days where there were mini tests. In addition, another project has begun to take place in class and everyone is starting to get busy with the project given by the Java Programming tutor.

During this period, Paul and Samantha would usually meet up after school to discuss the day and spend time together revising their day’s homework. Every weekday they could be seen together with at his place or her place repeatedly doing the same thing. Except on weekends when they will both be working or hanging out with their individual group of friends.

Life was a breeze through the first 3-month into the semester where everyone was trying their best to cope with a new environment with new friends, lecturers and their steady, if there ever was one for them.

At the end of the first 3-month, the term test took place. By that time, everyone is tied down to work their best through the test. Paul for one is really trying very hard to struggle between working and doing his revision daily with Samantha.

Both decided to apply for study leave to concentrate on their revision as both aspire to outplay one another in the term test for good results. With their hard work, came the reward of spending time together during the one-week vacation, which came right after the term test. During the one-week break, both did many activities together which included the weekly swimming session and their latest addition to their list of activities – gym. They have decided to build up stronger bodies through gym training. When it began, it was tough to keep up with a personal training guideline. However, as the week went by with alternate day of training, they got used to it and the term break slowly ended.

Its back to school again for another 2 months. The term test results were announced through the tutors during the first week back in school. Both Paul and Samantha did extremely well they both got the same results – Distinction, for their individual subjects.

Now that their hard work has paid off, both decided that they would concentrate on bettering their relationship with studying a day less and devoting that day to training at the gym.

Chapter 4: Project Blues

By the end of the first week, everyone in class too was happy and has decided to celebrate at Seoul Garden. Being the class representative, Paul was the one who suggested the idea and have asked the class for the opinion of inviting their care person to the celebration too. Everyone agreed to the idea and the date was set for the following week Friday.

As the weeks went by, everyone started to get busy again with the two assignments, which has to be completed for submission soon. Paul’s time with Samantha also started to wither. Both were also busy with their assignments. Even though that was the case, their commitment to the gym and swimming sessions remain. These were the only time they were together.

By the last month before the exams were to begin in October, everyone has already started to panic with the amount of assignment to be submitted as their deadlines are coming nearer by the hour.

For Paul and his group, they were preparing very well for the assignment, scoring high marks for group components and individual components. With that everyone was getting very happy with themselves. Except for the Java assignment, which majority of the class is having problem.

There seem to be no good solution to complete the assignment on time. Everyone felt panicky about what is going to happen when the entire assignment is not done and handed in on time.

At the brink of death, a miracle happened. A classmate decided to teach the class during the free period how to complete the assignment. Everyone listened attentively and got the gist of it. There and then, they all started to work on the desktops in the computer labs and everyone was able to complete the assignment, thus handing in the assignment on time for grading.

As for Paul’s relationship, it began to wither with time. However, the two lovebirds love each other very much; their parents were objecting them seeing one another. The excuse given was that they both were too young and needed more time to really consider whether they have devoted too much or too little time together. In addition, a commitment to the relationship during the school years can result in many problems; as such, both families are hostile toward this relationship.
Though this saddened both of them, they decided to make a deal to prove to their parents that they are devoted to one another and will also strive to make a balance between school and their commitment to one another.

Chapter 5: Final Exams

The final semester exams are round the corner. Both of them did not meet during the month long period, neither did they do what the activities they did together. Everyday they would be seen in school at different places doing their own revision. No phone calls were exchanged at all. It was complete silence. All the way through until the end of the exams.

As the exams ended, Paul went back to his normal work routine and engaged in the normal activities of swimming and gym as before. This time alone without the company of Samantha. This hard life went on for a period of two long weeks until the release of the exam results. The result was announced and both got straight distinctions.

With such good results, they went to their parents and ask for their permission to continue with their relationship. When both parents gave the green light, both were feeling over the moon.

From then on, they were together every moment of their life. However, life is not always clear of roadblocks. The roads were even bumpier with more commitments to school, work and play. They have more challenges ahead with time management and the feeling of love sick when not seeing one another.

After word

Hope that you would have enjoyed this short story as much as I did in putting together the story. The idea came about one day during my lecture in school while thinking about my ex-crushes. I decided to do a write up about school life in a tertiary institute with a mix of what I feel would be an ideal relationship if it even happens to me while schooling. It is an inspirational piece to write about freely with the flow of events…

Hope that you could also send me some comments so that I can better my writing skills and present before you better works.

Regards,
Jasen
Nov/Dec 2003

Broken Sphere :: Oct 25 - 26, 2003

2003-10-26T11:48:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: All character whether dead or alive is in no relation to the story.

Is love always peaceful? Think again…

Chapter 1: The Letters

John is tidying up his desk, suddenly he chance upon a few blue envelopes in a file. It has been left to collect dust on the surface for quite sometime. As he held up the letters and began staring at them, slowly began to recall the past – his exciting secondary school life and how he had known Jessica, from the same class in secondary one.

She went overseas to further her studies while he continued his education in a local institution after their O levels. They kept in contact through exchanging letters via snail mail, and each letter meant so much to him. No matter how far they were apart, they would always try to find time to send one another letters and cards. They seldom get to meet online, and whenever they meet online, either party will be too busy to respond. Though there were times when they did manage to chat, each chat would usually only last for less than 15 minutes with little to talk about. Silence usually stayed through almost the entire conversation, overwhelmed by excitement of being able to talk to one another.

Years passed, they stopped sending one another letters and slowly their communication ceased to exist ever since he was enlist into National service for two and a half years. Despite his effort to get her whereabouts, no information about her could be located.

As he was still recollecting the past, the phone suddenly rang. It was time for him to go out and meet his good pal for a movie that afternoon. He quickly shove the letters away into the drawer, changed into a army green sleeveless top and jeans before rushing out of the room into the living room to wear his shoes, before taking a run to the lift lobby. He arrived just in time to catch the lift ascending to the ground level.

He met up with his good pal, Peter, who has been waiting impatiently in his ford for quite sometime. Peter is an average build person standing at 1.72m, with a photo genetic look. Works hard for his company and hopes to earn his first million by age 30. He works for his money and strategies. Now he owns a ford, and it makes traveling easier for him too. He has to travel between his chains of stores everyday, even on his off days. A well-liked person, though can be impatient at times, he makes a caring friend whom John can confide in with his personal thoughts. They are good friends since their university days, sharing the same room and taking care of one another like brothers.

He open the car door and sat inside, fastened the seat belt and they sped off to Orchard Cathay Cineplex for a blockbuster hit. Gladly for them, John had already done online ticketing and they just have to present their printout to collect the tickets.

On the trip there, Peter asked him what took him so long to get ready when they have agreed to meet at three in the afternoon at the car park of his apartment. He said nothing, except that he wish not to talk about it.

That set Peter’s mind racing. Why is he so solemn today? He should be happy about starting work in two days time at a local internet service provider as a website content manager. Though not a high paying job, but it is something worth celebrating since the job market has yet to improve with very little job vacancies.

Peter on himself owns a chain of stores selling craft hobby items. He has since expanded his business with 10 stores across the country, with more in the pipeline. He had once asked John about joining his company as a website manager, but John declined the invitation. Despite that, their relationship as friends, remain solid and strong. Both came from average families.

After some time of silence, John finally broke it. He decided to tell him that it was Jessica on his mind. After telling him that, he seek apology from Peter for being late. Peter accepted the apology after all.

They reached the venue, John went to the ticketing booth to collect the tickets while Peter when to park his vehicle at the buildings car park.

Chapter 2: The Moments

They met up minutes later outside the entrance of the theatre near the snack bar. John decided to give Peter a treat for the movie. They each bought their favorite snack popcorn, hotdogs, coke and sprite.
Minutes later, the usher opened the door to the theatre. All the moviegoers went in an orderly manner. Just as it was about to be their turn, John chance upon a young woman in the queue too, she resembles a split image of Jessica. Jessica is a slim, pretty and sprouts shoulder length hair. With hazel eyes that sparkle when you look into them. It was love at first sight for John. However, he was rejected many times during his secondary school days, and was only until secondary three that he managed to win her heart. He has never told anyone about it except his classmates who know about it. He whispered into Peter’s ears. Peter turned his neck facing the back of the queue also some the young women as mentioned by John in a navy overall, wearing a necklace. She was talking to a man as tall as John, he too was wearing navy colored shirt and a jeans.

She has not changed much over the years. He recalled how pretty she was, and compared her looks to now. She is really a total resemblance of Jessica. Still, he dared not approach her. He was afraid that he might have found the wrong person. Without much thought, he decided to leave the lady alone with her boyfriend.

They entered the theatre, and found their place and sat down. Just then, a coincidence happened. The couple they saw earlier on was sitting next to them. As they sat down, they began talking. As John is a person who has sharp ears, he managed to convince himself that the lady’s voice belongs to Jessica. So he took out his courage and approached her. He asked the lady if she was Jessica.

Peter asked: “Erm, excuse me, are you Jessica?”

She replied: “You are?”

“I’m John remember me?” he said in a surprise tone.

“Oh, you look familiar. Did we once exchange letters before?” she asked.

“Oh, yes we did. But that was long ago. So how have you been?” he asked.

“Erm, I’m getting along well with life, and this is my fiancé, Jerome.” she said in pleasant tone.
“I see. Hi Jerome, nice to meet you.” He said it while they exchange handshakes.

After the exchange of some small talk, the movie was about to begin. It was a comedy romance movie called “How to lose a guy in 10 days”. The story revolves around a regular ladies man who bets his friends that he can stay in a relationship for more than 10 days. Unluckily for him, however, the girl that he picks just happens to try to get rid of him almost immediately, as she was on an assignment to write on how to lose a guy in 10days.

The movie was exhilarating, and had a good ending where the two lash out their unhappiness at a diamond convention. It was there that they realize both were using one another. True love is not always blind. He look her up the next day, but she was leaving town to go to another place. She has also quit her current writing job. The guy managed chase her online her cab which was on its was to the airport, he managed to persuade her not to leave the place, and that he really love her.

It took a runtime of an hour and fifty minutes. After the movie, John and Jessica both exchanged cell phone numbers, and promised to meet again in future.

His mood has suddenly brightened up. He is in cloud nine, having met his dream girl is already something worth celebrating. Peter and John went shopping along Orchard Road down to Plaza Singapura. Along the way, they passed by many shopping centres and shops selling various merchandise catering to the different age groups.

They went into Robinsons at Centrepoint to get some stuff which he needed for his room. After which, they proceeded across the road to the nearby Orchard Point. And on to Plaza Singapura which was having some major renovation. The place was half filled with shops selling different items. He was particularly interested in a department store on Level 5 of the building, the Barang Barang store. It’s a store that sells cheap and affordable home wares. They went in to have a look, and John bought a desk set which includes a table with a oak finish on the table top, drawers on the bottom left of the desk and also a moveable chair. Apart from that, he bought a desk lamp and a waste paper bin. The total bill amounted to less than $500, as the store is having a mid year sale. Next, they went to the Snoopy Place just next to the store to have dinner.

Both were hungry by the time their ordered food was being served. Just as they were tucking into savor the food, something caught his glimpse. It was not something pleasant to his eyes, he saw Jessica kissing her fiancé. He did not like the feeling, though they were just a few tables away from the couple.

He mind raced fast and was thinking of hiding his head away from the fact that he is going to lose her. He said to himself, please don’t let her know that I am here. Lady luck was by his side, he told Peter that he wish to fish up the dinner quickly and get out of this place. So as quickly as he could, he finished up his food. Peter also did the same, since the bill will be paid by John too out of being happy that day.

They then took the lift down to the ground level where they sat down for coffee at the nearby Starbucks. Both drank ice blended mocha, and chatted until about ten before strolling back to the Cathay Cineplex to retrieve the car.

Chapter 3: The Nightmare

The trip back was silent, and only the breathing and music produced by the car could be heard. John decided to shelve his thoughts aside. No matter how hard he tried, these thoughts kept resurfacing.

The night, he kept having dreams of his past. The various events that happened from the time he knew the girl to the time he managed to win her heart to the days when they were together until the time they stopped their communication fully. It spelt like an end to their relationship. It took a long time for him to overcome this loss. It wasn’t easy to forget someone whom you love unless you find a replacements and slowly devote your love to that person wholly.

These events recurred ample of times during his course of sleep. The next morning when he woke up, he felt his head feeling giddy. When he took a thermometer to take his temperature, it was 37.9 degree Celsius. He called the ambulance service and was send to the hospital immediately.

After spending half an hour waiting in an isolated ward, he was finally attended to. He was not diagnosed of Sars, but needs to be put under drip for loss of glucose due to his high fever.

He was warded immediately into a B class ward. There, he was accessed by the nurses on duty for his personal particulars. After which, he changed into the pajamas provided by the hospital.

He was kept under the care of Jessica who happened to be on duty that day. She kept him companied and he managed to tell her how he had love her. But to no avail, after all she regarded him as a patient and did not wish to talk about relationship. In the end, he gave up after listening to her views about starting a fresh. It would not be possible for her to do so too since she has been dating her fiancé for over 2 years and had kept it away from him that long so as not to make him sad. Now that the incident has come to light, she has to tell him that they were engaged the day before they met in the Cineplex.

Their relationship has ended here, he wasn’t happy but could not do anything. It all lies with fate, nothing can alter that. A few days later he was discharged. He went back to work.

Chapter 4: The Beginning

The office was full of good looking ladies. All looked very appealing to John, but none could replace the good of his once beloved Jessica. His live goals have also been altered. He would like to focus on his work for the first year and slowly turn to taking short traveling trips around the world on sight seeing tours. It is his way of living, at least love is no longer a subject he would be interested in looking at.

Till the day he find someone whom he can trust will be ever want to get married, or even to start a relationship. Live is no longer the same. Its about survival in a place where true friends are rare, and backstabbers are ever where. Communication is important to maintain a good strong relationship.

A year later, John took his first ever trip overseas alone to Perth, Western Australia. On the second day of his trip in Perth, while doing some shopping in the city area, he went into a local Spotlight store and saw Jessica there. There was a feeling of reunion which he could not really explain in words. She was serving a customer with her usual sparking eyes and a smile on her face. He grabbed some fabrics and decided to try his luck on being served by her.

He dream came true, he was served by her and he had a long talk with her while she was cutting the fabrics he wanted to purchase. Upon completing the transaction, he has also come to know that she broke off with her fiancé, and is now living alone with her one year old daughter in the suburb. She won the custody of the children, as the husband was not loving and had an affair with another women.

Though, John felt that it was time to woo her back. But decided not to as he did not want to sadden her anymore with her broken marriage which has left her to decide on migrating to Australia. Being a single mother is already a big challenge on her.

Afterword

Not every story in the world will have a happy conclusion. No matter how far relationships travel, there will always be an end. The end may be soon or far. No one will ever know, just like what a friend once told me, everything in this world will end. A marriage for example will end when a couple decides to divorce or when one is left widowed. How sad these incidents are… I hope that you have enjoyed the story I have written.

Regards,
Zhengdao

Written: Oct 25 - 26, 2003
Edited: Oct 26, 2003

Western Australia 2000 :: Nov/Dec 2000, Jan 2001

2001-01-31T12:05:00.000+08:00

Chapter 1: Take Off

The day before the flight, Jerome gave his travel stuff a final check before turning in for the night.

The next morning at around 6, he woke up a fresh and feeling excited. He does his usual weekday routine of getting up, having a shower, brushing his teeth and having breakfast. And after which, he sets off to school with his father, Mr Lee, to school. Since this is his first trip by air transport.

After reaching the school, he meets his friends and his father sets off to the Airport to wait for him. At about seven, the tour group gets ready for the photo taking session before moving off in the bus that will ferry them to the Changi International Airport.

Upon check in at about half past seven, they were dispersed to roam with their parents till five minutes to nine.

After that, Jerome bid good byes to his aunt, parents and his beloved grandmother. She loved Jerome more than anyone else.

The group took a group photo before they entered the departure gates and walk distance down to the flight entrance.

On their way, he witnessed a few passengers who were late and sent using golf-like transport to the flight-waiting centre.

On the plane, Jerome sat with Lucas and Stacy. As for Zheng, he sat behind with Alex and Sam. Both are his roommates for the trip.

On the plane, the stewardess was very courteous and caring. For the fact, he and his friends had an enjoyable and peaceful flight.

Chapter 2: Perth

After arrival, they boarded the coach and were on their way to king’s park. There at the king’s park, they alighted and took a group photo. Also, they were just in time to witness a film making, but having to miss visiting Lake Monger and to look at the black swans.

The temperature there is real cooling. After some sightseeing, they proceed on to another part of the park. There lay a well-preserved tree trunk with the trunk portioned. It is known as one of the tallest tree in Australia.

‘Hey guys why not lets take a shot of this long tree?’ asked Jerome.

‘Sure, why not.’ Came the reply from Stacy.

So both took a shot of the tree. After which, they proceed on to The New Esplanade Hotel which they will be staying for two nights.

After checking in at the hotel, the tour group gathered at the lobby of the hotel and rushed to the London court area, where they bought their provisions needed for the trip.

Next, the group proceed on to a nearby restaurant where they have their dinner. They had a sumptuous dinner before doing an hour of souvenir shopping and returning back to the hotel.

The next morning came with the morning sun emerging at 5 in the morning. But as Zheng was staying with Sam and Alex, he woke at about 6 in the morning despite the bright sunlight shinning indirectly into their hotel room.

They took turns to get themselves done before getting down to the lobby together and set off for the adventure that awaits them. They went up the coach and Zheng sat next to Jerome. Both were quite close friends.

As the day sets off, they were off to a nearby restaurant where they have their breakfast of some Tim Sum.

After that was about an hour’s ride onboard the coach to Fremantle. Along the way, the coach was filled with laughter and enjoyment. In the front few seats sat Desmond, Louis – their tour guide, Miss Kok, Jerome, Zheng, Stacy, Lucas, Sam, Jasmine and others. At the rear of the coach sat Miss Sharon, Mr Kelvin, Lance, Raymond, April, Jovin, Jonathan and others.

‘Jerome, how do you feel about this trip?’ asked Zheng.

‘Well, okay, I like this trip so far.’ Replied Jerome.

After a minute of silence...

‘So how about you, Zheng?’

‘Oh me, I’ll say, this trip is so far still enjoyable with the flight from Singapore. Anyway, this is my first time travelling alone without my parents and also my first time on board an airplane.’

‘Jerome, did you have a good sleep last night?’

‘Yes I did have some peace after some special moments. It kept me awake for quite a while. Because last night, Lucas did not actually had a good time sleeping well. Why not you ask him personally what had actually happened?’

‘Okay, I’ll ask him later.’

‘How about you then, Zheng?’

‘For me, it’s still fine there. As there isn’t any nonsense happening.’

So Zheng went over to talk to Lucas, while he switched places with Stacy on the coach.

‘Lucas, how do you do today?’

‘Fine.’

‘You do not look fine in my sight of your statement. Can you tell me what actually happened last night?’

‘Okay, actually I really felt unbearably homesick and felt like calling home. And during that moment, I felt like having a mental breakdown. It got even worse when Jerome and Stacy were happily chatting and not even one had noticed how I was feeling. But back at home, I had a quarrel with Faizal. But, I just feel that our friendship bond is still strong. What I did was, I went out of the room and really wanted to look for Ms Koh. But half way to her room, something pulled me back from
proceeding. So in the end I went back to the room and split out a four letter word before the two guys really notices my existence.’

‘Thanks for that touching story. Anyway, if you have any problem, do let me know. Maybe as a friend I may be able to render some assistance to you.’

While the chatting goes on, the students and teachers were having a great time interacting. As that is so, they were about to reach Fremantle.

Chapter 3: Fremantle

After they arrived in Fremantle, the group went to the Fremantle Children’s Literature Centre. There they attended a 2-hour Literature workshop. It was an enjoyable one as it gives them an idea of what it is like to be a writer and an illustrator. That’s where Zheng had made a new-found love – Reading and writing.

The centre was previously a prison hospital. But until 1991, when the prison decided to give it a new resident, about a hundred over organisations step foot on their visit to the Prison, and submitted their proposal. The Prison officers then look through and handpick the idea of a Children’s Literature Centre as its first newcomer after the Prison is closed to crimes.

Next, they went for lunch of ‘Fish and Chips’ meal at a restaurant near the seaside. There were sea gulls flying around. As Zheng sat with Zack, Sam and a few others, another conversation began. They talked about school life and about the Perth Trip - the places that they have visited.

‘How do you guys find school life?’ Zheng questioned the others.

‘So far it is still fine and adaptable, as compared to when we started Secondary one’ replied Zack.

‘That’s for sure. I felt a bit the same as you do when I was in Secondary One. But there were some differences.’

As the talk went on, they started to eat enjoy the scenery.

After the delicious meal, the group proceed on to the peak of a small hill to view the seascape. It is lovely scenery as Zheng describes the scenery as the sea blends into the sky.

Near them is a cannon that can lit off when activated. But it was unfortunate, the group had to go as there will be a scheduled guided tour inside the Fremantle Prison.

Before they set off, they were just in luck to see a passing train.

After arriving at the Fremantle Prison, the group proceed on to room where they view a short introduction of the prison’s history.

Next, they proceed on to the inmate waiting room where the inmates will be question and done with a full body search. Follow-on, they will be asked to take a shower and changed into the prisoners’ clothes and taken a few photo shots each.

They were brought into another building; this is much bigger. It is where the inmates were kept. The tour guide explained the reason why netting was erected. It was for the prison officers’ safety; there were several cases where the inmates threw object down aiming at the prison officers.

Then they proceed on to the prison cells were the cells were formerly half the size. Until a certain period when the prison finally realise the need for air and space, before they decided to join two small cells into a big one by knocking off a partitioned wall.

They visited cells and the gathering area. Also the special areas like the hanging (for death sentence), naughty criminals (for those who beat up others in prison) and also high security cell and others.

The prison also has two chapels. One for the Catholics and the other for Christians. The prison was build by convicts. In 1984, a fire broke up in the prison due to the inmates being unhappy about the prison’s facilities.

And in 1991, as the prison can no longer hold the inmates, they decided to build another prison, this time it is located at the country side. The inmates were allowed to show their artistic works by painting in the old prison before the move in 1991.

After the visit, they took a group shot before proceeding to the Fremantle market to do their souvenir shopping.

After an hour, they met back and set off back to Perth for dinner. That night, they celebrated mass birthdays – Lucas, Philip, Jasmine and Ms Sharon’s birthday. After dinner, they had a good time shopping. But, Zheng felt a bit giddy even though he refused to go back to the hotel to stay. They went on a ‘Swatch Hunt’. They were hunting for Swatch watches, so the group guided by Ms Kok with 4 members went on the hunt. After an hour of searching, they finally found the shop and started getting the watches. Zheng bought a Swatch watch; both Lucas and Stacy bought a pair each of different designs.

After the ‘Swatch Hunt’, the group went back to where they came from. And after walking for sometime, they sat down and Stacy made a phone call back using Zheng’s hand phone.

After calling home, his statement changed. And Lucas when to check on him.

‘Stacy why do you look so unhappy?’ asked Lucas

‘I’m facing some financial difficulties’ replied Stacy

‘I’m sure we will be able to help you. Do not feel so helpless and sad.’

So Lucas went to the group and told then what actually happened. After which, they tried to comfort him and they went to the gather point.

Chapter 4: Albany

This morning, they had their breakfast at ‘New Esplanade Hotel.’ They were off for a five-hour coach journey to Albany.

During the journey, they had some entertainment, they watched some movies.

By an hour past noon, they have arrived at in Albany for lunch. They ate at a Beachside Café. Zheng and Jerome ate Fish and Chips, while Lucas and Stacy ate Lasagne. And they were also given a bowl of salad per table. So while Miss Sharon was distributing, Jerome and Zheng requested for more as to try to finish up the bowl quickly. Next to Zheng sat Lance.

With the story progressing, a new set of friendship may occur.

After Lunch, they move out of the café, the temperature out in the open is cooling, but cold. As the group took a few shots before returning back onto the coach.

They were off on their way to the natural wonders. The ‘gap’ and the
‘bridge’.

They move through the residential area and Miss Kok had a close look at the flowers, as she loves them. It was a nice look at them. And as the road moves near the seaside, Lucas and Stacy saw some ships and tankers around, even sea gulls. It was an unforgettable experience to look at them.

As they were all about to doze off, they reached the natural ‘gap’ and‘bridge’.

There they took shots as usual, but also, they also learnt a bit of physical geography through explanation by Mr Kelvin. He explained how the ‘gap’ and ‘bridge’ is formed and also about how erosion occurs as in a nearby area, there is a bare slope.

After that, they visit the Queen Fortress. They were just in time to witness a wedding ceremony. And after which, Jerome, Zheng, Stacy and Lucas explored the area before they and a few others went up the slope to the highest point where they saw the Australian Flag. Jerome, Zheng and Lance took a shot under the flagpole together.

They explored the other area around till its time to return to the coach. Again at the entrance area, they saw the bridal car. But it maybe another couple.

Their next destination was the war memorial area. When they arrived, Lucas felt a bit unwell, but he still tried to be with the group.

Once, they were out at the memorial, the group had a look at the plaque and took a group shot before moving upwards to the park and there the scenery was lovely. Sam, Miss Kok, Stacy, Lucas, Jerome and Zheng took a shot together as a memorial.

After a while, they went down the steps and to the coach. From there, they return to the city centre where they had their dinner. After which, they had their stay at ‘ACE Motel’.

But that’s not the end of a peaceful day. At night, the three girls-Jasmine, Sarah and Joan. The received a scary call by someone unknown. They were scared till they have to change their room with Jerome’s group. When Zheng visit Jerome, he was shocked to see them all cuddled together. That scared them. As he was checking on how Lucas is feeling, he stayed with them for a while.

At least, they managed to get through safe and sound the next morning. They had their breakfast before setting off to their next destination- Pemberton.

Chapter 5: Pemberton

The ride to Pemberton took about two to three hours. They visit the ‘Tree Top Walk’ WOW! A treetop walk experience.

They went in and they were given an introduction to the Karri Forest, how the forest tree top walk is built and others. After all the explanation, the group set of in small groups of 10. They set off and weave through the spans slowly as the walk sags slowly.

After completing the walk, they gathered and went hollowness and wonders of the majestic Karri and Tingle trees. And some of them had been through a forest fire is 1931 which is a disaster that almost wipe out the species.

Next they returned back to the visitors centre. And so from there, Miss Kok told the students that they may have another round of walk through the ‘Tree top walk’. So, Zheng, Henry, Lance, Gilbert, James, and others went in batches.

This time, they took shots on the way through. And they had their choice of walking slowly. After the second round of walking, they proceed back to the coach via the Visitors’ Centre.

In coach, Mr Kelvin gave them another Geography talk on the Karri forest history and facts with assistance from Mr Louis– their tour guide.

It was an hour journey left to Pemberton. When they finally reached, they went to the nearby supermarket to get their supplies before heading off to a nearby restaurant for lunch.

After lunch, they were off to the Sand Dunes. They arrived at the National Park, where the group entered with their instructors. They had a journey of 2km to walk up to the Sand Dunes. The walk is rather turf as not to mention the sand flies.

They were about to reach the sand dunes, but under one task, climb up the steep slope. When the group saw it, they were shocked. As for Zheng, he decided to wait and look for another way up. What an in-adventurous person Zheng is. Together with Miss Kok, Gilbert, 3 girls and the instructor, they went up the other path which is much more time consuming and far.

Finally, after some struggle, the climbers reach the peak of the sand hill. As for Zheng’s group, they reached a bit late.

They had a great time sliding down the sand slope. There were many exciting moments to the extent that they cannot really be put in words. They also had collected some sand specimens.

After a few hours of fun, they had to bid good-bye to the sand dunes. The moment down from the top is real cool and fun.

From there they continued their way back to the car park at the park. They board the coach and started their journey to yet another place. This time, for dinner at a nearby cottage. They had BBQ dinner.

After dinner, they went to the ‘Karri Valley Resort’ where they had their night’s stay. But, they had some problem finding their chalet. For both Zheng’s group and Miss Kok’s group. But after some search, they finally found their way.

That night, Zheng’s group was staying with Lance’s group under one chalet.

There are three rooms in the chalet. A queen-size bedroom- that was occupied by Gilbert. A room with double-deck and a single bed- occupied by Henry, Alex and Sam initially. And the last room with a double deck- occupied by Zheng and Lance.

But, when Zheng poured his jeans’ contents out, the sand fell on to Lance’s baggage and bed. Lance was horrified and Zheng was almost being seized by the neck. Lucky he did an immediate clean up. But Lance decided to switch with Sam while Zheng emptied his sand into the balcony area. After that, Zheng decided to sleep in the living room. It’s not due to the worry of bring disturbed by the pile of scattered sand. But it is for the sake of getting some thoughts through.

That night wasn’t a pleasant one for Zheng, he has been a little troublemaker as that was what the group says about him. But he wasn’t depressed. He felt that maybe he could use that to improve himself. So he work hard on it.

The next morning, he was up early and took a shivering shower. But having been unable to sleep well the previous night he felt energetic after that shower. After the others have woke up, they got their self ready while Zheng woke Lance. And, after that he went out to the balcony to have a look at the morning sun. It was a lovely scene. All by himself, he sat watching the pair of lovely birds till they flew off. Then he went into pack his belonging and got ready for Mr Louis to pick the group up.

They set off for breakfast by the bi-centennial tree. Zheng and the rest had toast, BBQ egg, beacon, sausage and cornflakes. It was an enjoyable Monday morning having breakfast by the forest floors. After which there were two batches of about six students who climbed up the bi-centennial tree. Stacy was on of the daring devils. He climbed his way up cautiously try to keep on the struggle for balance and the tempo.

They went to the Bunnings Saw Mill where they witness how wood is produced for furnishings. The sawmill was big and spacious. But unfortunately the state government will be closing the sawmill, which means job losses. But from a glance directly from the second level balcony, they could see the wood being processed.

After the visit to the Saw Mill, they went to the Trout Hatchery. There the group learned about the insight of Rainbow and Brown Trout breeding programme. After that, they went for river study. That was a really undesirable, with the people having to do the Australia Salute – That is what Lucas describe the action of getting the flies out of their faces and body like.

After the River Study, they were off for four hour’s ride to Dunsborough.

Chapter 6: Dunsborough

They arrived at a sheep-shearing farm at about 2 that afternoon. They had their lunch in the sheltered area. After which, the group visit the sheep shearing area where they were shown how a sheep was being sheared and the steps to take before shearing. During that session, some student had the privilege of feeding the feeding the lambs. It was an enjoyable moment. Following on; the shearer also showed the group the use of the sheepdog. They had an eye opening experience. Finally, each of them received a piece of sheep for a souvenir. They proceed on to the souvenir shop. There, some of them bought souvenirs.

On the coach, Zheng talked to Jerome once again, for the ride to their next destination.

‘Jerome, so how do you find the sheep shearing experience?’

‘ I still find it a bit funny, the way some of them ‘feed’ the lamb really made be giggle some how in my heart.’

‘Oh, that’s interesting.’

Next, they proceed on to the Mammoths Cave area. They had a majestic view of the cave in its natural form. A real cooling experience. And after the cave visit, they were on their way back to Perth.

The trip was a long and continuous one as it stretches from the late afternoon to early dusk. On the coach, Zheng and Jerome has a great time interacting with Lance and Zack. But most of the talking was only between Zheng and Lance.

‘Zheng, how do you find the trip to Perth?’ came the question from Lance.

‘Oh, the trip is okay, I love it. How about you?’

‘Fine, it is enjoyable.’

‘Did you make any new friends?’ asked Zheng.

‘Yep I did really made some.’

And the chat goes on till they were exhausted...

Chapter 7: Perth Again!

They were back in Perth by 8 at night. But after they checked-in, they rush down to meet at the lobby. By then it is about a quarter past eight. They went to a nearby restaurant for dinner.

After dinner, the group returned to the hotel. For Zheng, he moved out of his room and into Lance’s room. He stayed with Henry and Lance for that night. That night, Zheng was a counsellor solving some minor twist between Jasmine and Zack – Friendship problem. It worked like a telephone marathon that ran from 10.30pm at night till 12 midnight. While Henry and the rest were doing the assigned task for the trip.

It was a boring Tuesday since they have to bear with the scorching sun as they set off for the Prinnacles. They had a very irritating time shooing the sand flies. But overall, it is still enjoyable.

After that, they took the same route back and reach Perth at night after having dinner at the outskirts of Perth.

On the next morning, they got ready and were setting off to a school visit at the Roleystone Senior High School. This school is 40 hectors big with the building scattered and close to nature. A nice place to be though, after the visit, they visit the Elizabethan Village in Armadale. After that, they visit the fruit orchard before finally returning to Perth City for lunch.

After the hefty lunch, they were off again to do their last minute shopping.

A little terrible it really is, Zheng, Stacy, Lance, Jerome, Lucas and Miss Kok went shopping together to grab souvenirs and chocolates. That is for their last minute shopping.

After the long shopping, they finally gathered and set off back to meet at the same place where they disperse. So after that, they were bought to have dinner before they watch a show ‘spontaneous insanity’ as their finale for the trip to Western Australia. The show was great and wonderful. After that, they proceed to the airport where they repack their stuff and got ready to check in and wait for departure.

They did their little shopping at the shopping alley at the airport-waiting lounge. Both Zheng and Jerome bought a copy of Reader’s Digest (Aussie Edition). In addition to that, Zheng go himself a John Grisham novel- The Firm, and an issue of National Geographic. What a bookworm he is.

After that, at ten minutes before one, the group boarded the flight and were on their way back to Singapore. Zheng sat next to Miss Kok. Anyway it wasn’t as bad as what others thought it would be, sitting ext to a discipline mistress. At least he felt safe. But Jerome felt sick for that flight home. And Zack with Lance, both forgotten about their breakfast.

Author’s final comment

In this book, much of the time has been spend on description and not much on friendship. Since I started writing on 17 Nov 2000- Day 2 of my Perth trip. I have been observing my new made friend T.T.Y, and my close friend Jeremy. Both had been very supportive in giving me self-encouragement. And not to forget Stacy and Lucas for their support and Lucas for his friendliness in helping me in my enquiries. I feel excited to complete this story on 3 Dec 2000, and completed my final editing on 31 Jan 2001.

A friend in need, is a friend in deed or vice versa, I’m grateful to the spontaneous support by my kind friends for me to complete this short story. Especially Jeremy and T.T.Y.

The characters mentioned in this story may or may not be alive, but are not related to real life persons. They are the ideal characters. Also I would like to acknowledge someone special – that person knows who he is.

Also, thanks to Lucas and those who have read or edited my first and second short story. This short story couplet shall end here. (Teacher My Friend & Teacher My Friend II)

Du Zhengdao

31 January 2001

teacher - My Friend :: Nov 2000

2000-11-28T11:53:00.000+08:00

~ Foreword ~

Jerome lives in a world in which where all he faces is the solid wall that surrounds his room. He does not like to interact with anyone except his family members. He has no close friends, due to the fact that his parent restricts him of his freedom. Being unable to make friends, Jerome changes from a cheerful teen to an unhappy teen, in just a turn of weeks.

In school, all he did was, to face the teacher, not interacting with friends and classmates. He had to obey the instructions given by his parents – being controlled. That has saddened him, and thus, creating a mental block in his brain.

Unless he is able to find someone to talk to, he would go mad soon...

This is his story.

~ Chapter 1 – Sadness ~

Every weekday morning, Jerome would go to school as usual by bus. After reaching school, he would proceed to the canteen and sit at one area of the canteen taking out a book to read until it was time for the flag raising ceremony. After the ceremony, he would proceed to class with his classmates as usual.

In class, he would sit at the far end towards the windows, as he did not like to interact with the classmates around him. Even during class discussions, he would seek the teacher for permission to work on the assignment alone. This made the subject teachers feel a bit uneasy.

Despite the teachers trying to consult him and having him attend the Civics and Moral Education lessons, nothing could take effect on him. From the subject teachers’ point of view, he was a quiet, polite and hardworking student. Even when the other students are creating a little havoc in class, he would act as normal, still being able to concentrate as if nothing had happen before. No one, not even the teachers could remove the ever expanding mental block in his brain, all they expect is for him to be left alone.

At home, he is imprisoned, being unable to enjoy freedom. His parents do not allow him to wander on his own, unless he is able to supply a logical or valid reason. Both Jerome and his brother are close to each other, despite minor conflicts occurring at times.

Even though he favors being alone, he has a hobby. Jerome enjoys reading. Whenever he comes home, he would quickly finish up his assignments, homework and revision before reading. This had helped him in his studies and gained his confidence in doing well academically, but not his ability to interact freely.

As time flies, Jerome’s mental block problem has become more and more serious and he talks neither to his parents nor his brother. Thus, nothing could be done to help him.

A few months later, a few trainee teachers came to his school. By chance, one of the teachers happened to teach his class English. So, the teacher approached him one day during a discussion session.

“Jerome, why aren’t you joining your friends to work on ways to prevent crime?” Mr. Khoo asked.

“Mr. Khoo, I don’t feel comfortable mixing around.” came the reply from Jerome.

“Jerome, is it possible for me to make an arrangement to talk to you after school tomorrow?”

“Mr. Khoo, I think I will need to ask my mother.”

After, school that day, he returned home and asked his mother.

“Mum, can I stay back tomorrow after school?”

“Why do you need to stay back after school for?” came the answer from Jerome’s mother.

“Because, my English teacher, Mr. Khoo wants to speak to me.”

“Okay, you may stay. But don’t come home late.”

The next day came. After school Jerome went to the teachers’ room to look for Mr. Khoo.

“Good afternoon Mr. Khoo,” said Jerome. ”I’m ready to see you.”

“Okay, Jerome I just want to know more about you and the reason behind why you dislike mixing around in school” Mr. Khoo questioned.

Jerome took a moment to think before answering back, “Mr. Khoo, to tell you the truth, when I was younger, I was a cheerful child without any worries. Until a year ago, since I stepped into this school, things began to change. At home, my parents forbid me from going out with my friends. I felt bad and upset; thus slowly we lost contact. Since then, I feel like a caged bird, not allowed to have freedom till someone releases me. And slowly after that, I discovered that the reliability of my friends no longer exists as they only care for me when we are happy as a group. But individually, they are not that helpful at all. I felt depressed, and thus stop interacting in school. To me, it seems everyone is a block of bricks not giving me space to breathe,” Said Jerome sadly.

After listening to Jerome’s sad story, Mr. Khoo felt sad for him and decided on helping him. He asked Jerome, “Jerome, is it possible for me to know something more about you?”

After considering the question, Jerome gave a reply, “Yes”.

From that moment, a new friendship has just begun...

~ Chapter 2 - Counseling ~

The friendship that both the teacher and student have built up is a complicated one. Mr. Khoo had to convince Jerome’s mother that he was a good son and had good qualities. After a few session of such, she finally gave in and in exchange, Jerome received his freedom. He did not really return to his old circle of friends, because being wiser has made it possible for him to select and choose his group of friends so that he would gain his mother’s trust.

The whole project of removing the mental block in Jerome’s mind made Mr. Khoo a more cheerful person. When he was about Jerome’s age, he too had been in a situation similar to that of Jerome’s. Through the years, he tried to overcome the fact of being left alone without any friends. His family tried to help him out, but it failed to have any effect on him. Till one day, when he was alone in the school library working on his assignment, a teacher approached him and asked him why he had always been working alone and after that conversation, she found the problem.

Through a series of guidance, he began to realize how good it was to have friends. From then on, being motivated, he wanted to be a teacher as his great wish was to nurture the future generation to be life long learners, being responsible, righteous and resolute and also being able to contribute to the society and also good citizens. And his first accomplishment as a teacher is to help the students and also to assist them.

Despite being lonely at times, Jerome is now friendlier and also able to accept friends and interact with them. He also understands what “freedom” means to him.

~ Chapter 3 - New Life ~

Jerome starts off every day with an energetic mind filled with wonders of the series of things that may happen on that day. He feels that surprises are everywhere. They happen all around us. Looking forward to meeting his friends cheers him up. Since he started a new life, he still could not forget about a particular savior whom he calls “teacher”, Mr. Khoo. They meet each other once in a while to discuss about things or homework.

Since his change, he began to have friends who were trustworthy and caring. No one had ever thought that it would happen – even Jerome himself. He is no longer restricted to the condition of not being able go out with his friends. He has to return by 10 p.m. and must remember to do his homework. Having that in mind, he obeys and treasures his freedom.

He did well for his Mid-Year Examination. Never had he expected a surprise to happen – going on an educational trip with his school to Perth, Western Australia.

As teachers’ day drew in, he decided to make something for Mr. Khoo – A set of 5 bookmarks, to show his sincere appreciation for the help and encouragement Mr. Khoo implanted in him.

~ Chapter 4 – Happenings ~

Teachers’ day finally came. On the eve of that joyous occasion, Jerome presented his little creation to Mr. Khoo. “ Mr. Khoo, as a token of appreciation, I would like to present to you this set of bookmarks, though they are valueless,” Jerome said sincerely.

“Jerome, actually, this Teachers’ Day Gift that you have given me means a lot to me. Thanks for the gift,” said Mr. Khoo thankfully.

In Mr. Khoo’s mind, he pictured Jerome as a child who would grow up full of wisdom and knowledge to become a good and well-nurtured person.

As time goes by, Jerome will be facing more challenges at both work and play. The challenges will prepare him physically and mentally. With perseverance and a strong mind, he will be able go through these challenges.

Jerome has made a really true who ensures that he understands what friendship means to him. This kind of friendship is considered worthless, but precious...

From that day on, he is always hanging around with his other three friends other than Mr. Khoo. They are Lucas, Stacy and Zheng.

- End -